One of the first nights we played in Oxford, Mississippi, which is my favorite town in America to play music in, we played an intense set. So much so in fact that the rest of the guys crashed after we got back to the Best Western. Normally we'd have so much adrenaline after a gig that it would take several hours to wind down before we could even think about going to sleep. The keyboard player O' and I were still rarin' to go. We really were in the mood for some good visuals, so we dipped into the fireworks bag.
Behind the motel was a beautiful wooded area. It was mostly huge pines. The land between was flat and easy to walk. It was covered in a foot of pine straw and there were patches of bone-dry grass. It would have been perfect for a picnic or an outdoor rave or whatever. The problem was they were in a drought and it hadn't rained in a while. The whole area was a tinderbox. Usually we only shot fireworks outside if it had recently rained, but sometimes the urge to shoot them was so powerful that we'd shoot them off in dry conditions. We knew how to be careful. We found a clearing by a big tree and cleared away the pine straw.
The first item we selected was something called a Catherine Wheel. It was a round piece of cardboard with a hole in the middle. Around the edge were three tubes connected by a common fuse. When it was lit all three tubes ignited at the same time and shot flames out of one end, which caused it to spin wildly. It shot out colored flames and sparks and stuff. For visuals they're a great bang for the buck. I found a long nail in the toolbox and hammered it well into the tree. I lit it and O' and I stood back to watch. I'm sure we were laughing and cutting up and having a big time. We were also drinking those big Foster's "oil can" beers and I was probably on #4 at least. We were feeling no pain as they say.
I lit the wheel and stood back to watch. All was going well until one of the tubes sprung a leak and started shooting flames out to the side. It caused it to wobble, and it hit the tree with enough force to pull the nail clean out. The flaming wheel liberated itself from the tree and came rolling by and flopped over into a big pile of pine straw and dry grass and immediately started a fire. It spread quickly. In about two seconds it was a foot across and in two more it was two feet across and so on. I stood there perfectly calmly. I knew exactly what I was going to do, but I didn't tell O' right away. I wanted to freak him out and make him sweat a little. The reason for that was because as long as I'd known him his biggest trademark was that he always remained cool as a cucumber no matter what, and I just had to test the limits of that.
At first he stood there looking fairly calm, but it only took a few seconds for his eyes to start to get big, and the look of concern on his face grew with the flames. Since I'd lit the thing and it had started a fire on my watch as it were, and since I could move a little faster, it was automatically up to me to do something about the fire, but I just stood there staring at it with an evil grin on my face. O' kept looking from the fire to me and back until he couldn't stand it any longer. By then the fire was at least 6' across. O' said "Okay then, if you're not going to do anything I guess it's up to me." He started to run back to the room and grab a trash can full of water I guess, but I stopped him. It had occurred to me a few seconds earlier that I'd drunk all that beer and hadn't peed. I was so involved with having fun that I forgot to go, and it hit me right then. I had a full tank. "Wait, wait" I said, as O' turned around. "What?" he said. "Hang on, man. I gotta pee REAL bad."
I gave O' a sharp salute and said "Fireman Foster reporting for duty, Sir!" With that I whipped out Junior and started systematically attacking the flames from the edge of the circle inward. The flames hissed and steamed but I put out every spark. O' was standing there just dying laughing. I couldn't let myself laugh just yet because good aim was crucial, but as soon as the fire was out I just cracked up. We were laughing so hard that we literally had to hang onto each other to keep from falling down. We didn't shoot any more fireworks. We figured that was enough fun for one night, and on the bright side the fire department didn't have to be called. We laughed our way back to the room. The sleeping guys were next door. Hopefully we didn't bother them but I don't remember. If we stayed true to form I'm guessing we probably opened a couple more "fire extinguishers" and toasted the sunrise.
I vividly remember thinking around the time I officially started playing in clubs and at parties that I was likely to have some serious adventures, and if I went looking for adventure it would definitely find me, and that turned out to be truer than I could've imagined. Still I doubt I could've pictured a scenario where I started a huge fire and then peed it out and managed to flip the keyboard player out in the process, but you never know. Can't buy fun like that for love or money. I knew my love of Foster's would come in handy one day. Cheers.
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