Saturday, August 7, 2021

Great Lines from Great Songs

Like Devo, Boingo, the Beatles, Todd and many other bands, but especially Devo and Zappa, you could pretty much pick any lyric and it's going to be a winner. Like my friend Champ, I often wonder what Frank would have to say about the mess we're in, but basically we don't have to wonder...he was talking about, and warning us about things to come, aka the present, all the way back in the 80s, and beyond. I mean he was specific.

 It's uncanny to the point of being a little spooky really. Check out the last verse. Some people see that as pure prophecy, and absolutely dead-on. Nobody was talking about those things in the carefree and coked-out 80s. For his opinions alone, like so many "stars" in the entertainment world, he was on every list there was, but they knew that Frank was a force of Nature and a force to be reckoned with, and they knew they couldn't shut him down, so instead they just fueled the notion that since his lyrics sometimes are vile and juvenile, it must mean he was on drugs (he never was), and people still think that to this day (therefore everything he says must be crazy), but as he once famously said "If I were on drugs, I could never write this kind of music, much less play it." Point Frank. 15-Love. Ouch, a zinger. 

 This song, wonderfully-titled "Flakes," was just a commentary on the current state of things, back then of course. If he were alive today though, he'd definitely have to update it. In case you haven't noticed, the price of things has gone way up while the quality has gone way down. Why just yesterday my Secret Santa sent a package for me, my mom and my dog. She's a jewel, and not because of what she does for us. She paid an absolutely ungodly amount of money to Fredex to send it overnight, and it was guaranteed to be here by noon yesterday, and why can't I just do a simple post, and stick to the subject? Must be my disease. I have Digressivitis.

 I waited until 8:00 and no package, no notification, no nothing. I had to basically wait by the door all day because I had to sign for it. I was pissed because I actually had plans. She called and they said it was running late, but that was bullshit. It hadn't even made it onto the truck, which was verified by another person. They changed it and said it'd be here by 3:00 or she'd get a partial refund. I was hoping it wouldn't arrive until after 3 so she'd get some money back, but it never arrived at all, nor did it today, and I waited all day, again. She called and pitched a bitch and got a full refund, but I think she deserves even more than that. 

 Anyway...Frank's lyrics were excellent, and humor was always a priority. People call them "novelty songs," but not many novelty songs get covered by symphony orchestras all over the world. I have to say again that I had the pleasure of meeting Frank and his band, when they were still technically called The Mothers of Invention, after a soundcheck in Atlanta back in '75. As luck would have it Frank was really the only "Rock Star" I ever cared anything about meeting. Twenty years later I'd have the pleasure of meeting his long-time percussionist, the wise, uproariously-funny and the one-and-only Ed Mann.

 Interestingly I ran into Ed in a YouTube chat about two years ago. Running into him in a chat was crazy enough, but the particular kind of subject matter covered made it something I'd have never dreamed. I'll just say that Ed is "awake," thank God, and he's a "believer," I'll say. That was crazy. He remembered me from all those years ago as "Film Canister Guy." I was thrilled and he's got a great memory, but most drummers do. 

 Frank was basically putting his experiences with everyone from auto mechanics to plumbers to you-name-it, to music. As a nice bonus there's a breakdown where they imitate Bob Dylan, and it's too much. The voice is exaggerated but definitely Bob, and in between the lines of his spoken-word verses somebody does little one-note harmonica licks and it's hilarious. I'm leaving out some lines here because I can't type more than ten words a minute, and I'm quoting from memory, but I'll link the song, and you can search the lyrics if you want...as if, lol.

Flakes 


They don't do no good

They never be workin' when they oughtta should

They waste your time, they wastin' mine

California's got the most of them

Boy they got a host o' them

Swear to God they got the most (yeah)

And every business on the coast

They got the flakes (flakes, flakes)


They can't fix your brakes

You ask 'em "Where's my motor?"

Well, it was eaten by snakes

You can stab and shoot and spit

But they won't be fixin' it

They're lyin' and lazy

They can be drivin' you crazy

Swear to God they got the most...(etc.)


I'm a moron, and this is my wife

She's frosting a cake with a paper knife

All what we got here is American-made

It's a little bit cheesy but it's nicely displayed

Well we don't get excited when it crumbles and breaks

We just get on the phone and call up some flakes

They rush on over and wreck it some more

And we are so dumb they're lining up at our door


Well the toilet went crazy yesterday afternoon

The plumber he said "Never flush a tampoon"

This great information cost me half a week's pay

And the toilet blew up later on the next day, yay, yay

(Ooooo-wooo-oooo blew up the next day)


We're millions and millions and we're comin' to getcha

We're protected by unions, so don't let it upset ya

Can't escape the conclusion, it's probably God's will

That civilization will grind to a standstill

And we are the people who will make it all happen

While your children is sleepin'

Your puppy is crappin'

You might call us flakes, or something else you might coin us

We know you're so greedy that you'll probably join us


We're coming to get you

We're coming to get you

We're coming to get you...


Magnificent. Check Frank out. All the cool people do. No shit. This is worth your time, I promise.

Flakes: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8Izxkm-e7s



 

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