Cereal of the Day

In the category of "Things that should be a joke but aren't," we have "Poop Like a Champion" cereal. If I'd seen this anywhere on the Web I'd have thought it was a joke, but I was searching fiber and ran across it on Amazon. Poop like a champion, huh? Exactly how does a champion poop? Never mind. 

 The funny thing is that when you first notice the thumbnail, you read the title first, and you're only semi-aware of the bowl sitting there atop the golden column, and after you read the title, you almost expect it to be a bowl full of shit, right? I did, but maybe that's because I'm sick AND twisted. Anyway it has 22 grams of fiber per serving. That's enough to get most people hoppin' I guess. 

 It's to the point for sure, and I love honesty, but they're going for the lowest common denominator, ha-ha, yuk-yuk, and asking a good bit for it. A 10oz box is currently $11.97. Fucking yikes. I guess it's easier (and hopefully tastier) than buying fiber, but it's a hell of a lot more expensive. 

Here's another interesting image from the Amazon ad. It says "Be a master of your movements." Okay then. They really spell it out, don't they? It says "DYNAMIC DUO" in big letters. In small print it says "of insoluble and soluble fiber," but at first I thought it was talking about Dude and his girlfriend Red, like maybe they were a tag team in a shitting contest or something, or maybe a pair of poop-models. These days you never know. 

 Homeboy's grinning and thinking "Yeah, man...as soon as I finish this bowl of Poop Like a Champion, have a cup of coffee and smoke a cigarette, I'm gonna go hit that throne with the quickness and peel some porcelain off that bitch." Sister's thinking "Yeah, I won't be far behind...after he strikes a few matches, lights a candle and cranks the fan." 

Sister here is fine, and she sure does love her Poop Like a Champion cereal. At a buck-fifty an ounce I guess I would too. Don't get me wrong...if you can afford it then go for it. Fiber is good for you...really good, and it says to drink extra water, which is always a good thing, but the quality and purity of the fiber is just as important as taking it to begin with. 

 I don't know what kind of fiber it is (I'm guessing psyllium for one) because they didn't show the ingredients...hang on, I'm gonna Google it (Google-Google)...I see it has psyllium (okay), Chicory root fiber (good) and corn fiber (NOT the best choice). I might have known it'd have corn in it. They tout "No Wheat," but corn is way worse. You can buy a pound of Norcal, 100% organic fiber, with no psyllium and certainly no corn byproducts, for the price of one box of cereal. 

 One thing's for sure...especially with cheaper fiber, they'll be fartin'. Fartin' up a storm. Hey, maybe that's what they like about Poop Like A Champ cereal- it's not the poop, it's the farts. Now I could see that. I've always said that you know you're in love with someone if you can fart comfortably in front of them, so why not an all-out farting contest? If they're really in love they could even take turns lighting them. The couple that farts together shares hearts together. I just made that up. But no matter if they find farts funny or not, they'll be fartin' for sure. No two ways about it. 

 Sadly it's just another example of a ripoff, and taking advantage of good people who want to do the right thing and get more fiber, but who haven't looked into what they're taking for one second. It's way too much money for mediocre ingredients, but they've glamorized it by showing an attractive couple who apparently really dig dooking. But I'm sure that this is what the Elite Poopsters, with more money that education about nutrition, will buy. It's expensive, trendy, and it appeals to the third-grade mind. Come to think of it...it's perfect. They'll make a fortune, and the Poopsters will poop. Expensive poop.  Stay regular.