#5

I was talking to my buddy Jerry last night. We were talking about some of the crazy times we've had playing music and such, and somehow the Ten Commandments came up, and how many of them we've broken. 

 Without looking at the list, we discussed the ones we could think of, and whether we'd broken them. In my case I think it's 70-30 broke. I said that for starters I'd never offed anyone. Jerry got curiously quiet. "...and I don't think you have either..." He still stayed curiously quiet. "You haven't, have you?" He said nothing, but I think he was just fucking with me. I think...

 The thing about adultery...forget it. Taking the Lord's name in vain? You can write that one off too. Thou shalt have no other gods before me? Close maybe, but I passed that one. I've never put anything above the God I believe in. Above God there is nothing. Thou shalt not covet? I think we've all broken that one, but I don't have a big desire to have a bunch of stupid shit I don't need, or to worry about things others have but I don't. 

  The one about stealing...I've broken that one, but just barely. When I was six I stole a bag of chocolate coins from Waites' Deli. I felt terrible, and I turned myself in. My folks marched my happy ass back down to the place and made me return the candy and apologize. I really was sorry. Over the years I did steal a few records from a music store, and a pair of Paiste hi-hats, but that's about it. I never, ever stole from my friends, or anywhere else. Still I flunked that Commandment. 

 Bearing false witness? Nope, I passed that one too. I've never slandered anyone. I can't say I've never said anything bad about anyone, but I've never made up lies about anybody. It's not my style, and if someone is an asshole or whatever, they'll rat-out themselves soon enough. Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy? Did I remember? Yes. Did I always keep it holy? No. Flunked that one too. 

 But the one about honoring thy father and thy mother...I did that gig. I've been honoring my father and mother, and now just my mother, for the last 15 years anyway. Some people might think of me as a total loser, an imbecile and a sack of shit, but I've honored my father and my mother, and no one can take that away from me. And guess what...it's an honor to me too. Funny how that works.