The Doctor is In

I reckon I ought to start my own medical clinic. I'll call it Dr. Octafer's Wellness Center or something like that. People won't even have to drop by the office if they don't want to- I can do it all remotely. They tell me what's wrong and I tell them what to do and then I send them the bill. Wait...I'm not a real doctor, you say? You're right. I'm not. Neither is MR. Gates. "But he's a trillionaire" you say. So what? It doesn't make him any more qualified to be a doctor than you or I.

 I mean, just because his largest investments are in vakzeenes and related technology it still doesn't make him an expert in the medical field in any way. BTW if he were a real doctor or a politician, that would be a conflict of interest, straight-up, but I suppose it doesn't apply to private citizens, eh Bill? Money doesn't give you the right to call the shots, as it were, or does it? Most people don't care, and they're rolling up their sleeves as we speak. 

 Frankly I think I'm better qualified than Bill. "Doctor" has been my nickname since high school. "Doctor Octafer" to be exact. For the record it was given to me by my Main Musical Mentor, Leon, aka Reeon, when I was about 17. The "Octafer" part was for the fact that he thought I played drums like I had eight arms like an octopus, which was "Octa," and "fer" was the last syllable of our favorite combustible. The "Doctor" thing was because I was experimenting with stuff like herbal remedies, supplements and such. I bet Bill can't say that.

 Is there a form I have to fill out, or a declaration or something? I guess Bill just said "Hey, my name is Bill and I'm rich as fuck, so I declare myself to be a doctor. I get to make medical decisions for y'all." Two can play that game. I'll say "Hey, I'm Dr. Octafer. I'm not rich but I've only had one case of the Flu in the last two decades, so maybe I've learned a few things, and so I declare myself to be a doctor. Shazam." 

 Well, that was easy. I guess I can't really have a big launch party at this time but that's no problem. My bedside manner will be impeccable, whether remotely or in person. I'll do the barter system if it comes to that. Clinic hours flexible. Walk-ins are welcome. No insurance needed, and all get suckers. Call 1-800-DOC IS IN, or go to: www.NowImARealDoctorLol.com. Stay well, and have a nice day.