If I Were King: Free T-shirts for All

If I were king I'd mandate that on January 1st, 2021 I'd give every man, woman and child alive this t-shirt, or one like it. This is a grainy image of a mockup I did on a t-shirt site. It says "I Survived Motherfucking 2020." In small print (that you probably can't see from six feet away) it says "____ help us from here on out." People can insert their favorite deity, drug of choice, dead Rock star, action hero or whatever in the blank.

 This colorful image is of the visual representation of the radar signal of a fireball meteor entering the atmosphere. It's sort of a "The sky is falling" thing, but it's just something I grabbed and subject to change. Maybe Chicken Little would be better. Maybe on the back I could put an image of a black hole or something. Or maybe an ASShole. 

 Yep, that's what I'd do if I were king. Everybody in America would get an organic, 100%-cotton t-shirt, sized to fit. Outside the US I'd negotiate a fair price, but in this country they'd be free. I'd give the printing gig to my friend from Kenya named Michael, who'd become rich enough to buy a country or two. He deserves every penny. I could probably divide the work between him and my friend Jeffrey the Heron, aka John H, who also sometimes prints t-shirts. I'd have to start a huge company, and I could hire every friend I have and make them all fabulously-wealthy. Wouldn't that be badass?