This image is from an episode of the TV show Northern Exposure that aired in the early-90s. I suppose you could still do this on TV today, with a woman as the grabber and not the grabee, but I seriously doubt you could do it the other way around.
With all the snowflakes floating around these days I'm sure some people would call me sexist, an asshole (which I really couldn't deny) and maybe even accuse me of assault just for talking about this, but things were a little different back then, and we were into it. I was involved in several games of Grabass. I'm not proud of it but I can't change history. Still, as crass as it is it takes a bit of skill to be a good Grabass player. The lady here has excellent technique. It's clear she's played a game or two of Grabass in her day, and quite possibly in real life too, and not just "As Seen on TV." And hey, girls do it too.
I was pretty good at Grabass because I have long skinny arms, and an inch or two of extra reach goes a long way in Grabass. The idea is similar to when you tap someone on their shoulder behind their back or whatever and get them to look the other way. The difference is that with the shoulder tap the perp usually sticks around for the "Gotcha" moment, while in Grabass you don't want to get caught. By the time the grabee realizes that their ass has been grabbed, first looks the wrong way and then starts looking around the room for the perp, you want to be as far away as possible, or be casually engaged in a conversation or whatever.
What you want to do is walk normally until you're even with the victim or a little past, as shown in the image above, and at the last second you lean back, extend your arm down and behind you, and give that ass a squeeze. She went a little low on that grab. We wouldn't do that. It was strictly cheeks only. Hey, at least we tried to show respect. I have to say that this sister here had a perfect scenario for Grabass. Dude was looking completely the other way and was leaning over to boot. I can't blame her. Heck I might have grabbed that ass myself. That's too great of a Grabass target to resist.
So, being quick, slick and an asshole were the only skills you really needed. There wasn't any official scoring in the game but I guess it could be a point for a successful grab without getting caught, three points if someone else got blamed and five if they got slapped. In order to get the extra points you'd want to be walking in front of someone, so by the time the grabee realizes they've been grabbed, someone else is closer to them than you are. You obviously don't want either of them to see you. If you got caught you were pretty much sidelined for the rest of the night, or until a new crowd came in.
There was another game that was similar to Grabass but a bit more sophisticated. It didn't have a name that I remember but I'll call it Chalkass. If you were in a hurry you'd sprinkle baby powder on your hand, or better yet shave down some blue pool-cue chalk and cover your hand in that. It worked best when the room was crowded but it was a bigger challenge when it wasn't. You'd select a victim and then pretend to bump into them..."Oops, excuse me. I'm so sorry," and then quickly but firmly press your hand against the cheek of your choice. Then you wash your hands and see how long it takes for them to realize they have a handprint on their butt.
The risk/reward factor was higher than in Grabass. It's one thing to have your ass grabbed but it's quite another to have a blue handprint on it. I may have done it once or twice but I mostly stuck to Grabass. I vividly remember many a night though of seeing innocent women walking around with handprints on their rears. I always got a grin out of it. I'm pretty sure our friend Eric started it and it was mostly played at a bar called the Nick. You could play Chalkass at a party if they happened to have a pool table, but you could play Grabass anywhere.
I first played Grabass when I went to California to visit my friend George from California. There was a pair of twin guys who lived on his street. They stayed wasted literally 24/7. I mean passing out in the gutter and shit. They had long hair and beards and they mostly wore army jackets. They drank all day and ingested whatever they could get their hands on. Their nickname was the Skids, after Skid Row, and that was pretty harsh. They were great for getting bonus points in Grabass.
They were like this wastoid brother comedy team or something. They actually weren't bad guys at all, and they weren't mean drunks or anything like that. They were sitting ducks for getting blamed in Grabass. They always sort of naturally lagged behind, so all you had to do was walk just past your victim, grab that ass, and when she'd turn around the Skids would be standing right there, reeking of beer and pot, and easy to blame for most anything. They never saw us grabbing ass and they never caught on. I was out there for a month and we did it to them all the time. I kinda feel bad, but they certainly couldn't feel any pain when they got slapped, and frankly I think they enjoyed any attention from the opposite sex.
I know what that's like, although I can't blame it on lagging behind a grabber in a game of Grabass. I did it to myself, and speaking of asinine bar tricks I might as well tell this tender story while I'm here. I remember a couple of times...well, I vaguely remember, and much of what I remember was told to me by friends the next day, apparently I got so drunk that I went around to every woman in the place, and BTW I suck at pickup lines and all that, and I held my hands out about two feet apart and said "Baby, I got a dick this big!" I got laughed at, ignored, slapped several times and rightly so, but eventually one sister said "I wanna see it" and off we went, so I suppose being a complete drunken asshole has its perks once in a while.
Well that's the Grabass story. We were young, moronic assholes but we did have some laughs. I can still picture blue handprints on the derrieres of some sisters in tight jeans or black miniskirts. The images in my head are suitable for mentally framing. I'm an asshole. I admit it. But it's not my fault. I'd never have brought it up if I hadn't seen sister do it. I can't help it. I'm a snowflake. I was triggered.
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