I said "Hey man, what's going on?" "(unintelligible)." "Dude, seriously, what's going on?" "I'm getting some firewood." "FIREWOOD?" I asked, mystified. "Yeah." "For HERE?" "Yeah." He kept chopping away. "Whoa, whoa, whoa" I said. He kept chopping. "Bro, you mean to tell me you're going to take down this big-ass tree?" "Yep." These units have a small "fireplace" about the size of a toaster oven. They have fake logs and they burn gas only. "Dude, you can't burn wood in these fireplaces." "Oh yeah, I called and they said I could burn wood" he said. That was bullshit.
"No, man" I said. "These are for gas only." "Nah, they said I could burn wood." He kept chopping. "Whoa, hang on a second man." He stopped. "I don't mean to get in your business, but you can't chop down this tree." "Yeah, I need firewood." "Dude it ain't happening. Not tonight" I said. "Have you thought about which way that tree is going to fall?" "(unintelligible)." "Seriously dude, which way's that tree gonna fall?" "Uh, I don't know" he replied. He didn't know shit about how to cut down a tree anyway, in addition to the lunacy of it all.
I realized it was the guy from downstairs. He and his girlfriend and a couple of cool dogs moved in about six months ago. They seemed really nice and we'd stop and talk for a few minutes most of the time but some days I could tell they were pissed, and dude wouldn't even look at me, like he was a different person. She always seemed to be pretty sweet, and always at least smiled at me and said "Hello" back. Anyway I went on to tell him that it would take him until tomorrow afternoon to drop the tree and cut it up, and that it was pine, and green, and that all he'd do was smoke up his apartment, and possibly a few more. "You don't want to burn pine" I said.
"Is this your counter-cut?" I asked. "Huh?" "Are you gonna just keep wailing on it until it drops?" "I guess so." "Well dude, then you're gonna drop it right on my head, 'cause that's where it's gonna go." You can see in the photo that the cut is facing me. Luckily he listened to me and stopped chopping, and I didn't have to call the cops. Stupid fuck.
Building a fire is one of only three true skills I have in this world, and I felt compelled to give him a quick lesson in fire-building. "Not to tell you what to do, but you don't want pine, or fresh-cut wood. It won't burn. You need hardwood, and it needs to be aged for a few weeks. Plus I'd check with the front office just one more time about burning wood in your fireplace. Really man." I doubt he even knew what I was talking about, but thank God he listened to me and put down the ax. He actually thanked me and said goodnight and went back inside.
I couldn't help but at least appreciate the sheer lunacy of it all, and I was certainly glad that a quirky but potentially-dangerous situation was averted. I tossed up all the possible reasons for his actions in my mind. What it just pure cra-cra? Was he trying to prove his manhood to his woman and going all Paul Bunyan on a 40' tree? WTF? Was it desperation? Lack of income? Can't pay the heat bill? C-19 repercussions? I could see all of them for sure but damn...you don't go wailing on a tree, that ain't even your tree to begin with, loud as fuck, at 10:30 at night, and you don't know the first fucking thing about anything related to cutting down a tree or building a fire.
It did get a little chilly here and just cold enough to turn on the heat, but if he really did need to burn firewood to keep warm and it was an act of desperation, which I kinda doubt, it was over-tempered by a mega-dose of stu...well I hate to use the word "stupidity" so I'll say "lack of information." If that was it then it would seem to confirm one of the first things I talked about when I started blogging over a decade ago, and that was how people are getting dumber by the day, and I thought it was going to become exponential. I rest my case.
Why think for yourself when Google can do your thinking for you? Google knows everything. Ha, that's an understatement. Even music...I said a good while back that the lyrics in what I've heard of modern-era Pop music have gotten less and less intelligent over the years, and lo and behold a few years ago someone came up with a computer program that figured the average intelligence of song lyrics. Over the last two decades or so it had gone down by whatever percentage points it was, and basically had dropped all the way down to the level (of comprehension of the meaning of the lyrics) of just above a third-grader, and was still dropping. I absolutely LOVE it when my theories are proven by actual science (SCIENCE).
Still it's shocking to know that people don't know shit about shit these days. I was saying that people were so disconnected to even the most basic human skills, and would be helpless without a YouTube video to show them what to do. I was thinking "A guy's trying to take down a fucking 40' pine tree, on someone else's property, at 10:30 in the pm, loud as fuck, chopping shoulder-high like a maniac, and I ain't gonna go try to fuck with a guy half my age and half-again my size, not to mention swinging an ax, WTF?" I'm convinced that there are way too many people in this world who couldn't build a fire with a gallon of gasoline and a blowtorch, or do much of anything else for themselves for that matter.
I've said that we were also losing our connection with Nature at an alarming rate, and that would affect us all. The brain literally needs something at least related to Nature...a walk in the woods, a houseplant, looking at the stars or any number of a million other things that are absolutely necessary to ensure that the brain functions properly naturally (see: GABA receptors, etc.).
To never have any contact with Nature in any form will literally change a brain chemically, and in so many cases meds are used to " " "correct it." " " The truth is they almost have to be, and that's a shame. And completely unnecessary. But it's just another piece of the puzzle. People know shockingly little about much of anything except their crotches and their cellphones, not that in moderation a bit of them isn't cool. Nature heals us. It informs us and makes us stronger. Hint: if you should ever need someone to get a fire going for you, don't pick Gen-X guy or whatever he is. I'm your man.
A few days went by and things settled down, kind of. I hear doors slamming and stuff banging at all hours, but it was relatively quiet until last night. Around 6:00 I heard "WHAM...BLAM...SLAM." It shook the building. I was like "That fucker's crazy and it's time to call the cops." It was seriously-loud, with obvious intent. In other words...fairly serious anger issues. It was unnecessary and I didn't know if he was possibly slamming her into the wall or what. I was about to call the cops but then I heard the woman yelling at him, and thankfully she sounded pissed and not hurt. At least she was alive.
I decided to be still for a second, but one more slam or a scream from her and I was dialing. I didn't hear anything else. I decided to sit tight and give him the two strikes, but one more and he was out. The guy was at best a clueless person and at worst a complete psychopath. If he was the latter I really didn't want to have to bring the cops into it, since he'd obviously know it was me, and he was at least crazy enough to try to take down a tree at night. I didn't particularly want to fuck with him, but enough is enough, and I had the phone ready.
I went for a walk and when I got back sister was rolling out two huge suitcases. I get it now. I'm guessing it was dude slamming those same suitcases hard enough to shake the building, but no telling really. She passed right by me and gave me a very cheery greeting, but she was power-walking. It was definitely the "I'm outta here" walk. She was being extra-nice since she knew I had to have heard the ruckus. I could also tell that she was saying goodbye, but I said "Hey. You doing okay?" It wasn't chit-chat; I really wanted to know. I didn't notice any immediate signs of blood or trauma, and she was sure bookin' out of here. I doubt she's coming back by the look of her exit walk but you never know.
For whatever reason it sucks that girlfriend split, but hopefully things will calm down. He's still holding at two strikes. I damn sure hope he doesn't actually try to build a fire in a gas-fed fireplace. Unless they took the fixture out, not to mention telling him he could burn wood, lol, then if he burns wood in the fireplace and by some miracle actually manages to get it going, he could blow his balls off, and possibly take part of the building with them. First whiff of smoke I detect coming up the chimney I'm calling the authorities and running downstairs with a bucket of water.
Is this a case of unbelievable stupidity or is he just batshit-crazy or both? It's hard to fathom, even in these way-fucked-up-kind-of-crazy times. I realize we have to recalibrate out Crazometers and our Bullshitometers at least every other day to keep up with all the shit, and the term "crazy" is relative and somewhat in a state of flux these days, but I ran the story by a few folks and crazy won. Judging by how hard the building shook last night and by the general amount of door-slams and shit that went on well before that, I'd say those two are contraindicated. I hope dude calms down. I hope sister finds somebody a little more compatible to settle down with. Who knows...I can't say for sure if it wasn't her slamming all the shit but I seriously doubt it.
Well, well...as if on cue I just heard the downstairs door open loudly. Dude is on the phone and he just said "You done fucked-up." Holy moly it's still going on in real time as I'm writing this. Shit. This world has lost its collective mind. I hope dude lets it go and stays calm. He's already got two strikes.
There is one other possible scenario, but it's pretty specific. She could be a narcissist, specifically a covert narcissist, and if so she'd be possessed of intense anger, the desire to destroy the person and the relationship, intense hatred, rage, pure evil, the need to harm anything and everything around her, superhuman strength at times and a Jezebel spirit. That could well be the case and if so I truly feel for him. It's more likely that he's to blame, but even if he isn't he'll get blamed for it anyway. That's how narcissism works.
I'll leave this story with a little poem based on "Norwegian Wood." He slammed lots of shit, then she was gone; this bird had flown. Please, don't build a fire, it's really not good to chop down the woods.
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