Saturday, August 7, 2021
Misthunk Lyrics: I Thought They were Talking about a Ghost
The Smartest Person in the World
I embraced adventure, within reason, at an early age, and I have some of the wildest stories going. People who know me, as should this person, know that I don't make-up shit or whatever, and many times they've been there themselves and seen the shit. I've said a million times that as crazy and as total bullshit as some of these stories may sound, they're true, and about 99.9% of the time there was at least one witness, and sometimes a roomful.
But apparently that's not good enough. I've told this person quite a few of my crazy stories and I suppose they believe some of them, but if it's something they don't believe, they'll say "No, that's not what happened. It was blah-blah..." It almost makes me laugh in amazement, but they actually believe what they're saying. It's an interesting thing to see. They literally think that they're so smart that they know more about a certain event than the people who were there. I guess they think their "superior intellect" gives them the power over right and wrong. It's epic, as they say.
It's like the other day when I was talking to someone and we didn't completely agree on a topic, which is perfectly fine. That's how it works. Ideally you talk it out, with RESPECT for the other guy's views, like two adults, but with many people that's not the case. They'll deflect and get upset and basically hurl insults at you, which is really all they have for ammo, instead of calmly disagreeing, but hopefully finding common ground or at least agree to disagree, not "YOU'RE WRONG!"
They asked me a question about it, but already knew that they were going to disagree with my answer, meaning that their mind was already made up, without even considering another view. I started to reply but was interrupted by a belligerent "WHAT ARE YOU AFRAD OF?" I took a breath and calmly explained that it wasn't about fear at all, which should've ended it there, but as I tried to continue, there was another "WHAT ARE YOU AFRAD OF?" One more time I tried to explain that it wasn't about fear in the least, but people hear or don't hear what they want.
It went on and I heard "WHAT ARE YOU AFRAD OF?" two or three more times, until I just said "Fuck it." Then they got really angry at ME for "raising my voice." Well, I can say for sure that this person would do a hell of a lot more than just "raise their voice" if I was an asshole to them. Someone can't have the common courtesy and RESPECT to at least let you answer when they ask you a question, and then give a rebuttal or whatever, but no, I'm the bad guy. Funny how that works.
So what can you do? Sadly, nothing. You're already wrong before you even open your mouth, so why waste your time? It's an "energy vampire" deal. It wastes time and energy and it gets nowhere. They'll never change. They can't change. It's how they're wired. In the long run you have to realize that these people are pretty sad and empty inside, if they have to get their jollies by disrespecting or putting other people down. There's never, EVER any excuse to treat anyone with disrespect, no matter what the situation is. Guess whom it reflects on...the disrespector or the disrespectee.
It's nothing more than a scared little kid in a grownup body. And when someone reacts so strongly to something they disagree with, it shows FEAR, plain and simple. They fear the unknown and don't want to know about it, and I get it...it's human nature, but some people will remain calm, and go "I don't agree," which is fine. Maybe they'll even say "Hmm...I've never heard that before but maybe I'll look into it." But when their BP goes up 30 clicks and so does their voice, you know it's just a smokescreen. It's not how things should be discussed. If you filmed it, even they could see.
Knowing the smartest person in the world is an honor I guess. It's strange that all those times I was completely wrong about what went on, even though I was there. What happened...was it a "seizure" or an "acid-flashback" (good one) as this person told me? I guess so, although none of the other people there ever saw me go catatonic or flop on the ground, and I guess that means they were all wrong too. Was it mass-hysteria? Moldy Rye bread, and everybody had a sandwich? Did someone spray "acid gas" in the area? I don't know how we were all wrong, but obviously the person who told me so is some kind of Seer or Shaman or a crystal-ball-reader. It's uncanny. They're very, very smart. I was wrong, oh so wrong. Weird.
Maybe I'll Throw a Trendy Tantrum
To be fair they tried to get in touch with me to let me know they were out of those things but my phone won't ring or send an audible text notification, and I can't unmute it. So it wasn't their fault, although the Falafel substitution will always flip me out a little. Maybe they thought Falafels were greenish burger patties...who knows. Makes me grin.
Speaking of grinning about Falafels, my good friend, musician-extraordinaire and former bandmate Michael Goldsmith, aka Michael Goldfish, used to give me shit because I always brought a Falafel to band practice or the studio. He wasn't wild about Falafel. He was a meat-and-potatoes guy, and considered stuff like that to be "Grateful Dead" food. He'd try to look sick, lower his head and slowly shake it, and say "Man, I Falafel!" It was hilarious, and it never got old.
I was taking the groceries out and saw the package in the bag. I could see through the top and I saw what looked to be some sort of 1/2"-thick slabs, with a bit of pink in the middle, and I was thinking that it was the damnedest-looking Falafel I'd ever seen. Then I took it out and saw that it was London Broil. WTF? It just so happened that they'd put just those two items in one bag, and I was sure it was a mistake and that they'd switched bags, but when I got online to straighten it out I saw that they'd been substituted and that they'd tried to contact me. Fair enough. My mom will eat it and my dog will damn-sure eat it. Only thing is I was geared-up for a Falafel, and the LB was about $12 more.
Even though it was my fault I'd still have a legit case, and they'd have made it right. If no one were here to eat it I'd have done that, but no harm, no foul. Still it was an interesting choice, but to be further fair, the Falafel is pretty much an original. I could picture the shopper standing there thinking "Falafel...Falafel...hmm...WTF do you substitute for a Falafel?" And since they apparently missed the "no-meat" thing, and substituted meat for a veggie deal that's supposed to emulate meat, maybe they were also thinking "And WTF is a Falafel anyway?" I find humor in ordinary things if I can.
Know what I think I'll do? I think I'll throw a savage tantrum, and post it on Tic Tok. Ha-ha it's mostly Gen-WTFers, or whomever the fuck they are, who are having the meltdowns, and it'd be interesting to see a grizzled old fart go off the rails. First though I'd have to die my hair blue, get a fake nose ring and maybe put on a little eyeshadow or lipstick, to let everybody know I'm one of "them." God it'd be funny. Sick, but funny.
I haven't thrown a good tantrum in at least a year or two, so it might be fun to get a few Ya-Yas out while I'm at it. I mean...these days it's a good thing that I'm not a staunch Vegan or something. I could've gone-off for real. They'd have at least sent me those items gratis, and maybe a gift certificate, and the deepest, most heartfelt apology they could fake, and they'd probably make sure they had their attorney on speed-dial. I don't even know if I could throw a fake tantrum but I could try.
"YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKERS! How could you DO this to me? I ordered VEGGIES and you sent MEAT! MEAT! MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET! I'm DEVISTATED! DEVVVVVV-ASSSSSSSS-TATED! How COULD you? You sent MEAT! My healthcare provider has already written me a script for meds to treat the PTSD I'll have for LIFE! You've RUINED me! [fake sobs or blubbering] My day is ruined...my night is ruined...my LIFE is ruined!"
I could go on and on but I'm getting nauseous. If you think that sounds dramatic, head on over to Tic Tok and search "meltdowns" or whatever. You'll see. I've never been on Tic Tok but there's a great guy on YouTube who just roasts the fuck out of those sad people, or as an astute commenter commented: "Products of a broken society." He's hilarious and truly smart, and genuinely respectful of them and quite compassionate, but if you have half a working brain left, no matter what your views, if you're a tenth as open-minded as you probably say you are, you'd find deep logic in what he's saying, and if you're truthful with yourself, you'd have to agree with at least some of what he says, because it is the truth.
Anyway I could go-off like a lunatic, and in this current climate I'd be 100%-supported. 100%. Only a few people would dare to rightly speak-up and say "Sir(?), calm down. We'll get you a new Falafel and a burrito, and while we're at it, some Xanax and a new passie." Their comments would be blocked anyway. I'm sure I wouldn't be the oldest TicToker to make a complete sad asshole of myself for the whole world to see (especially the Chinese, who OWN Tic Tok), but I'd be in the running for sure, and I bet I'd get 125,000 likes.
Every single member of the Vegan/LGBTQ123XYZLookatmeš, etc./gender-blurred community (remember when it was just "LGB?") would rally behind me, possibly organize a Floyd-esque protest or two, and maybe even erect a lifesize bronze statue of me crying, and holding a package of London Broil. The plaque underneath would read "Falafel Queen." I'd be honored beyond belief. They'd picket the Whole Foods, and the poor fuck who doesn't know about vegeterainism would lose his or her job.
My mind is just wandering on all the shit that could happen...I could see it being covered by the Gay/Vegan channel (if it exists) on YouTube. I can imagine the pink-haired reporter covering the story. "Today a Vegan, mis-pronouned individual who's shattered for life, tried to order a Falafel, and blah-blah..." It's all playing in my head and I'm laughing, but I won't go into it right now. It's hilarious though. If I didn't know in advance that it'd get banned, it'd be funny to work-up a skit.
Ten years ago every word of this would sound like a joke, which in reality it is, but now it's prose and not comedy. Everybody'd bend-over backwards...actually forward, if you get my crude drift...to coddle and pacify me. I'd get a letter of apology suitable for framing from Whole Foods, and who knows who else. Someone would set me up a Gofundme account to cover...uhh...whatever it is, plus the cost of staggering future medical bills to treat my PTSD. It's really not that farfetched. If a guy can "identify" as a woman on a particular day, and walk nude in front of little girls, as if he didn't have a penis that day, and NOTHING happens to him except support, then fucking with these people should be no problem. Oh, the coddlization. I'd get free shit from Whole Foods for life, and I'd be a star on Tic Tok. I'd give 'em a taste of their own medicine. Sure would be funny.
Friday, August 6, 2021
New Friend Update
What blew my mind, and it's a lot harder to do these days, is that she told me she was a "Truther," like me! I knew it. There was something about her that I knew was "extra." I could feel it. I doubt she's much over 21, if that, but she's fairly petite and it's difficult to tell. Since she's aware of all the nasty chemicals in our food and lotions and things, she could be older, and just looks young.
Either was it's incredible. I said she's an Old Soul and she is. God is good. In fact, I've been asking myself why I live where I do now, but I trusted that God put us here for a reason, and I'm guessing this may be it. We "Christians" like to look for "confirmation," and not four hours after I met her my favorite "info" guy came on. Get this: he said "Don't worry about where you are right now. Don't give it another thought. God put you there for a reason. He made us a promise, and He won't go back on his word."
Isn't that just as interesting as all getout? I'm amazed. In fact I'm gobsmacked. I'm gonna mix up some of the Green Slime for her dogs, and who knows...I just might shower two days in a row. I'll be getting together with someone I feel I was meant to meet, in about an hour. When life throws you a bone, grab it and growl.
I feel like I'm going on a date, except there's none of that thing at all. That, coupled with the fact that she's awake, means that we can be friends pretty quickly without having to go through the usual "screening process," and without any weirdness. I'm gonna go out on a limb and trust her completely for now. Trust has to be earned of course, but she and I are kindreds, and that's beyond debate, so it should speed up the process. Besides, if we never trust anyone ever again, the human race is toast. I'm ready to see my new friend. I can't wait.
Still Lots of Good People Around
He's only protecting me, but what's hilarious is that he actually gets jealous if I pay attention to another dog, and it's happened enough times to know it's real. He can be all cool and sniffy and everything, but the instant I say "What a pretty dog" he'll get a little growly. He adores people of course.
She walked over just like she knew me and started talking. I was really pleased that she was friendly for one thing, and not everybody around here, even dog-walkers, will return even a grunt for a smile and a hello. Most of the people I've met are nice, and my dog is an excellent judge of character.
As I've said if we meet someone we've never seen before, all I have to do is watch his reaction, which is usually positive but not always, and the WAGL, or Wag-Associative Gain Level, tells the story. Every now and then someone gets the "family" tail-wag, and I always stop and talk to those people. He's always right on the money. In short he has a very accurate Wagometer. Speaking of wag, her dog shown here really seemed to like me, and really wanted to play with Bert, and he sorta did too, but he was a bit standoffish.
I didn't need to look at his tail to see that this sister was cool. She started telling me all about how they were rescues, good for her, and that the big dog was a one-year-old Pit/Chihuahua mix, which you don't see every day. You can't tell here but her markings are amazing and she's a gorgeous dog. I could tell she was really young, and she was friendly as she could be. The other dog, a male Schnauzer mix was equally beautiful. He ran over and sniffed but didn't engage me right away. The girl dog, Lulu I think, was all over me.
Bert stayed cool enough that we talked for a good ten minutes. It was great. She seemed like a really sweet person. She was certainly friendly enough, and wonder of wonders, she didn't call me "Sir," even though I could be her grandpappy. We just talked like two people should...as perfect equals with a mutual thing in common. I wouldn't bring it up except that it just proves that all this racial bullshit is being created on purpose. Nobody truly wants it.
I told her I'd love to get a photo of her dogs but I didn't have my phone, and she said that she was over this way usually once a day at least, and we said a pleasant goodbye. When I got in though I had to get a photo of her dogs. They'd gone around back so I grabbed my phone and hustled around to meet them. Lulu was so glad to see me again that she took off for me. I tried to get a few photos but she was moving around so fast that I gave up and tried to take a couple of videos, but she was too quick for that too.
She seemed to want to talk some more so I sat down on the grass and we chatted for twenty minutes. From dogs it went to animals, then people, then the world and whatnot, and it was literally stunning how much we were alike. We were grinning about it. I think I was meant to go back out to snap a photo. It dawned on me that she was a true "Old Soul." It also dawned on me that she had a special kind of beauty. I don't generally stare at women until I start drooling, although it's happened, even when I was a much younger man, but I couldn't help but notice. She really has an interesting look.
I don't have a thing for youngsters but she's plenty legal. She's also married, which makes her off-limits, as if I'd even have a prayer, and that's not an issue anyway. Realistically I'd have to start at at least age 45 and up (way up) in a woman, for her to be interested in me. There was no hint of anything like that anyway. It was simply the man in me being attracted to a female. Plus she was really friendly, and were I a younger man I'd have been most interested in her.
What was really cool, and an honor actually, was that her other dog finally came over to me, climbed in my lap and gave me a lick or two. Her eyes got big, and I was like "What?" and she told me that he never wanted to be friendly with anyone, even her husband. She said that when guys, or anybody really, comes around he'll growl from a distance. She couldn't believe he liked me, but it's happened many times before. Dogs know dog-people. I guess she reckoned I was okay. I love it.
She said they had another dog that was afraid to even go outside to pee. That makes me sick, and I'm damn sure no expert or dog-trainer but if I can possibly do anything to help I will. I do have a few calming agents, including a pheromone spray that mimics the mother's scent, plus dog-safe herbs and supplements, that while doubtful would cure the dog, would absolutely ease a bit of stress. The thought of even remotely helping this dog in any way right now brings a thrill to me and butterflies to my stomach. Father, please grant me wisdom, and comfort to your creatures.
As we talked it hit me that one of two things was at play...either she was faking every second and just pretending to be an amazing person, or she truly was, and for now I'm going with the latter. Having had recent experience with a couple of people who suffer from a certain condition, and who can fake things like real love and empathy better than any Hollywood actor who's ever lived, but don't truly possess them, and "possess" can be said to be an operative word here, and who literally have to wear a mask (not a literal mask, like the ones people are wearing due to the plannedemic, but a figurative one) every second they're around another person, except those unfortunate enough to get really close to them, I can say that once you know what to look for you can see the mask "drop," if only for a second.
Normal people can only imagine the energy it must take to have to pretend you're something you're not. Studies show that most people can only keep a fake emotion up for no longer than about a minute before they tire and have to relax those muscles and reset. These people are way better at maintaining it, but still it's exhausting and they show tiny cracks periodically. It's fascinating, if horrific, to see. A person without empathy and true love isn't 100% human, no matter what anybody says.
I saw not a bit of that with her. I saw love and concern in her eyes, not the cold, dead, fish-eyed, doll-eyed look of someone who's faking it. She teared-up talking about her other dog. Anyway so far she passes, and I'm over the Moon. I asked her if she liked lotion (dumb question) or lip balm, and she said yes, but that she didn't like putting a bunch of chemicals on her skin. Hallelujah! She's one of me. I offered her my number and she took it. She texted me with her info. I started not to but I texted her back to say I got it and I'd holler next time I made a batch of treats, and that it was really nice to meet her and her animals.
She got back to me and we ended up texting for a long time. She invited us to drop by any time and that she'd really enjoyed meeting me and Mr. B too. I brought up the hubby deal just to make sure there wasn't anything untoward, because believe it or not, some young gals have a "granddaddy" thing, and some don't care about prior commitments, but she passed that test too, and said we'd all get together. Maybe she's got an older sister. Or a single mom...okay...a grandmother. I offered to meet and walk if she happened to walk alone at night, which I highly doubted she did around here, but she didn't walk much past nine, and didn't go far at all. I don't blame her. But we did make plans to get together again, and more than once.
She, and her dogs, really made my day. Animalguy strikes again! It was one of those rare times where two people from completely different worlds meet, and find common ground right off the bat, and it's a perfectly-level field. It was joy. Plus I have her digits. I'll holler at her later today and give her some stuff for her dog, and some lip balm and stuff. She'll be impressed with that, but I really want to help her dog more than anything. She showed me some pics of him or her, I forgot, and it's another very beautiful dog, with very interesting markings.
What an amazing experience. What an amazing lady. Her dogs weren't bad either, and that too is a reflection on her. I don't think meeting was just an accident, and I have the craziest idea. Ever since the plannedemic, and really even before, I've wanted to do a "cooking" channel on YouTube, mainly for the culinaristically-challenged folks. I hope that isn't hate speech. I'm no chef but I love to cook, and I did cook briefly in five different places, and believe it or not they were all four-star. At one place, the crazy restaurant actually, my official title was "Salad Bitch." That's hilarious, and shows that I wasn't a Michelin-starred chef.
One place amazingly served everything from Mexican to Seafood to Steaks to burgers, plus a meat-and-three that was grandmother-good. Everything was fresh and not a microwave in sight. We made fresh tortilla chips every day, and I loved cutting the discs into triangles and seeing them hit the deep fryer and seeing clouds of steam rise until it stopped and they were perfectly-done, and with fresh salsa. As long-dead "food critic" Dennis Washburn would say, "I MEAN!" I happily made the mashed potatoes every day (always leave in little bits of the peel, and a few small lumps, to let people know they're real). I was sometimes entrusted with grilling a fillet or a nice piece of salmon but I was no chef.
Anyway, damn I can digress, but I want to do a very casual thing and just share a few tips, like how I slice an onion or cook broccoli, and share a few easy recipes like Rock & Roll Pasta. I read that with the lockdowns and shit, and people not being to order food as easily and certainly not as cheaply as before, and not being able to "cook with my cellphone" as someone cleverly put it, and who couldn't make coffee, and out of starvation are attempting to learn to cook. Not just them of course, but anybody learning, or who just wanted to laugh at my accent or lack of true skills. Actually AI is getting damn good at understanding a deep Southern accent like mine.
I need a partner, and sister would be perfect, if she's into it and hubby doesn't mind. I'm going to text her later today with something like "This may sound weird, but do you happen to cook?" Whatever the answer is doesn't really matter, although it'd be great if she does. If she can't cook I can damn-sure show her how to at least make a fried-egg sandwich.
If she couldn't cook but wanted to learn, if I could make it happen, and it may be a crazy idea, it'd be a ton of fun, and teaching her and hubs to cook would add a reality-show-esque quality to it. Gordon Ramsey here I come! I'm guessing that if we do hang out a bit, and it looks like we will, I bet she'd be into it. What a perfect way to counteract some of the fake racial bullshit, and have fun doing it. People would see the ease with which we communicate, if it holds-up, and I think it will. She didn't have to say one damn word to me today but she did, and we ended up talking and texting for well over an hour. Who'd'a thunk it?
I've never tried to make a penny off of ads on YouTube by monetizing, but since they now throw ads up on all channels, we might as well. Now you have to have a certain number of subs, at least 1K, to monetize but you never know...it could take off. It happens, and what better time for a young, kind, African-American (black) chick paired with a grizzled old white fuck? It could be a match made in Heaven. She'll at least get a kick out of the idea, and I wouldn't be surprised if she'd be into it. I'd be thrilled. Heck we could even do shows about cooking healthy for your pets, if we don't get flagged for giving "medical misinformation," the latest BULLSHIT "community guidelines" strike. "We could call it "Lunch with Lulu." I'd watch it.
We'd keep it cool and never once mention any of the obvious differences. We'd have to deal with the usual trolls, maybe bots and general assholes, not to mention r@c1sts, or people who might have a problem with the age-difference, but that shit comes with the territory. Far and away the good guys outweigh the bad. I love the idea and I can't wait to run it by her. It's just crazy enough that she might go for it. Either way I seem to have found an amazing new friend, and that's priceless. Great dogs too. Maybe she cooks.
Thursday, August 5, 2021
"JESUS!" ("You're Fired!")
You're even forbidden to say it in casual conversation, the way many people use it in place of "Wow!" or "Dang!" You're not supposed to say it even if you stub your toe, like "JESUS!" Literally, saying the name of Jesus is a very big no-no. I doubt many people violate it, but I hear that if someone does, worse things than simple termination happen. Hmm...sounds a little bit like a You-know-what theory, doesn't it? In fact it's fact, Jack.
What's the deal? Is it just to filter out all the bumpkins, because anyone who believes in Jesus is obviously uneducated, superstitious, wimpy and completely unfit for a science (SCIENCE) job, or is it more than that? Could it possibly relate to the old, but true, saying that says that you don't get flack unless you're over the target? If there's nothing to it, why even bother, and firing people? That don't play. I could maybe see prohibiting preaching about Jesus, but obviously it's the name itself. Could it just maybe have anything to do with what this book said, that that name and that name alone takes authority over EVERY evil thing, every demon and even Satan himself, and they KNOW it?
Demons in the military and the gub'mint? Surely not. And as always, stop calling me Shirley. It sounds crazy but it makes just as much sense as weeding-out the bumpkins, and I think it's true. Furthermore although granted you wouldn't expect to hear the name of Jesus come up very often in the field of science (SCIENCE) anyway, until fairly recently it was NEVER an obstacle to getting a higher-up job in any field. Ordinarily I'd say this is most curious, and it is, but in cases like this I say it's par for the course. As I've been saying a lot lately, "Welcome to the Beast System!" Have a nice day.
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