AI Bloopers 3

AI still has a bit of trouble in the area of speech-to-text translation, and the results can be funny. These examples are too good not to share. AI says the darndest things. Enjoy. 

Between DTI and ass this is routine.

My cigarette is in my mind.

I almost called the crystal police.

You said my flag wouldn't do it.

Please get that away from my dreams.

He has bashful testicles.

You have been talking to lots of turtles.

You won't mind going with the winning face.

14 urologists are receiving those messages.

You cancelled it with booty Elvis.

Doot-doot sort pictures. 

It's not your penis though.

Keep it Ramen though.

Get off in Italy.

You're just gonna keep your gobshites.

Press the gentleman at the door.

I'm never really awake.

You drove out here to look at my chest.

It's one thing to think about another banker.

I've been cold so my life has changed now.

You've been a bit of a sausage every year.

The dirty little thing represents the sharks this year.

Pardon my penis. 

I'm awesome I see. 

We've got three dip tricks on every page.

You'd like to be labeled a nun.

The guilt bunny got him.

I'm quite sure there'll be more. Stay tuned, and have a nice day. 

 

Quote of the Day

"Just get high, and it doesn't matter." - an ex-roadie for a popular local band, on how to deal with life's little problems
 

Pepper Spray's a Bitch

This is the thumbnail from a video I just posted. In keeping with the theme of the world losing its mind, more craziness happened during a livestream on YouTube. I was watching a live "catch" of a child-predator, being approached by a decoy who'd been posing as an underage boy. 

 In typical predator fashion he tried to deny everything, and kept on walking. He called someone on his phone. It was funny as fuck...when the decoy asked him who he was calling, he said "My little sister." I laughed but I knew that wasn't good.

 Sure enough one of his goon buddies showed up about a minute later, and came at the decoy. The goon was a good bit bigger, and charged him. He tried to tell the goon that his friend was there to meet a child, but he didn't give a damn. He kept coming at him with his fists balling up. We all thought to our horror that we were about to see a beatdown, live on YouTube, but our boy had other plans. 

 Unseen to the camera, he whipped out his pepper spray, and nailed him right in the face. It stopped Goonboy in his tracks. He screamed in pain a few times and went running off, as did the predator. Everyone in the chat was not only grateful, but surprised as shit. The chat started flying by as people responded. I've never seen so many people say "Oh SHIT!" in all my life. Hundreds of "surprise" and "laughter" emojis plastered the chat. It was great. 

 I was so impressed by the footage that I had to record it. I'm glad I did, because the video's since been removed. I don't know why, since it was predator-poacher gold, but it's done. I'd bet dollars-to-donuts YouTube took it down. I've seen a couple of videos of people willingly getting sprayed, and it doesn't look like fun, but I'd never seen it used in a life-or-death situation. 

 It's always a trip to see someone's mindset get completely flipped, in a nanosecond. In this case he went from total rage to brutal pain and submission, in a heartbeat. Knowing what a creep he was made it all the more better, and it cracked me up. I rewound it several times and it just kept getting more impressive.

 I decided to record it in slow-motion, to avoid a possible copyright strike, and it became ten times funnier. His screams of pain echoed off the buildings, and you couldn't have asked for any better acoustics. The first scream was pretty impressive, and then he cranked it a peg or two. The second scream was louder and longer than the first, and he took it up at least an Octave. It sounded like a bellowing Bullmoose in heat or something. Then he looked back at the guy...sort of, and screamed "WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!" It was beautiful.

 I just posted the video yesterday, and in less than 24 hours it's gotten way more views that any of my other videos that have been up for several years. That's cool, and I hope people enjoy it. I sure did. I doubt it'll ever get old, and when I need a laugh, I'll know where to go. I'm glad the guy was okay, and I don't reckon I'd want to be on the business-end of a blast of pepper spray. Dude didn't enjoy it much.

Pepper spray.....................................................................................................................................$10

Camera gear....................................................................................................................................$500

Turning some who's about to kick your ass into a screaming pile of pain................................Priceless

 

 
 

AI Bloopers 2

More bloopers from AI's voice-to-text translations. These are too good not to share. 

Okay whatever just hurt me.

You know you're on a scallop.

Looking up to Jason as a Freemason.

Without some cake I got no identification on you.

y-e-a-e-o [Music]

There wasn't enough Hawaii so send it naked.

You did very poorly unlike an even game. 

Ruin the cake yes boss.

Yes the answer is Finn.

I'm far colder than skirts.

Your Pixar heart sends more.

She's an expat as needed.

I need a hundred electricians.

It's math ones that's what it is.

Those are all our gold teeth chatter.

That's all for now. Stay tuned. 
 

AI Bloopers

I just did a post about how Artificial Intelligence hasn't quite perfected voice-to-text yet, and the results can be totally hilarious. If you ever need a laugh, turn on CC when you're watching a video, and see what it thinks people are saying. I found these gems in parts of just two or three videos. Enjoy the humor, and have a nice day. 

I'm Donna Filumena and we've just been suspended for dogs.

That's a hard time this is leather here soft.

My nose is not hot.

My goodness no smoke if from you.

Please get laid.

I will seize your head vinegar.

Judge them from your thing.

Defile your paper without stating the little birds disgust.

You have seen the printer going around and you say lovely.

Make you some bargain bucket swoosh.

They're adding her ass you know.

You said you were hair sharp.

It's classed as right Pierre.

We had other nonsense to catch and you win Florida.

You're going to find out your boyfriend is a Peter Parker.

Well, that's it for now. This is just the tip of the iceberg, and I'm sure I'll be back with more. 'Bye.
 

sleeponit.com

In addition to "writing" seriously-killer Country songs and coming up with names for bands in my head, just as mental hobbies, I also think-up websites that might be useful, or at least be funny. I think this one would be both. I'd do it for free if I had the money...just for kicks. 

 We've all been there...sending heartfelt messages when we probably shouldn't have been...that is when we were drunk, and then we regretted sending them in the sober-ish light of dawn, and we wished we could take them back. Sending messages when we've had a little too much "truth serum" isn't always a good thing, and we can screw things up for life, with one drunken text. 

 I'd love to start a site called "sleeponit.com" or something like that. Instead of typing messages directly into Facebook or sending texts or emails directly to the recipients, people could type messages onto my site. I'd hold them in escrow as it were, for 24 hours, and at the end of that time, if they haven't cancelled the message, I'd send it along to its destination. Gmail gives you several seconds to decide whether or not to cancel an email you've just sent. I'd give people 24 hours. They could adjust the time and customize it, but that would be the default time. I think it's brilliant. 

 Much of what I say is tongue-in-cheek, and this is too to a degree, but I think it'd be very useful to some people, especially those who tend to get overly-emotional when they drink. I bet it'd save a relationship or two, and keep a few people from losing their jobs or whatever. For those radical types, it could even prevent spending a little time in the pokey...who knows? Luckily I'm not prone to much drunken-messaging, but I bet I could think of a time or two when I could've used the service myself. I do know beyond a shadow of a doubt it'd he hilarious, if personal. Can you imagine? 

 I'd do it as a free service of course, but if it did save a relationship or whatever, there's no telling how someone might repay. I can say that just for helping some people on YouTube, whom I've never met in person, and which is what I try to do anyway, I've been repaid the kindness a thousandfold, literally. That was just a bonus, and a simple email thanking me for saving someone's ass would be enough. 

 Sometimes I wish I could monetize my brain. I don't mean to sound like some super-intelligent person, because I'm not, but I do come up with some good idears, and I do have a track record of turning some idears, like my dog treats and lotions and stuff, into reality. I don't know if this is a great idea or not, and it sounds like a joke, but I think it could be useful. It'd be worth it just for the hilarity. Don't drink and type. 

 

"drink" (Thank You, Thomas Tedder)

I don't know you Thomas Tedder, but I love you. I watched President Biden's speech tonight, on a YouTube channel that had a chat room, and thank God for that. The speech was so unsettling and so full of bullshit that I'd be in a much worse mood if it hadn't been for Thomas Tedder injecting some humor into the mix. 

 It was funny to me anyway. My sense of humor is both sick and twisted, so I find some things to be funny, where some people don't find them to be funny at all. Thankfully Thomas hit my Funny Bone, and in this case I'm sure some other people thought it was funny too. Thanks again Thomas, for taking the edge off of that Satanic and mindboggling speech. 

 There were about 600 people in the chat, and it was going by pretty quickly. I saw several people I knew, including a beautiful sister who goes by the name of "Plays in the Dirt." She's a sweetie, and I haven't spoken with her in a while. She was glad to see me, and sent me several hearts. I think I need to go and comment on some of her vids. She's amazing. Anyway I didn't notice Mr. Tedder until a few minutes into the speech. By then I was ready for a laugh. Timing is everything. 

 Several people in the chat were drinking, which isn't surprising at that hour, and a few people mentioned it. I'm guessing Thomas was rollin' long before the speech started. I noticed a few comments he made, like telling this or that public official to comb their hair, but mostly he kept repeating a single word..."drink." He was probably typing as fast as his drunk fingers could type and hit Enter, so about every 25th comment was "Thomas Tedder drink." Everyone else was talking about all this serious shit in between, and here was Thomas, going "drink...drink...drink...drink." He had a nice rhythm going.

 Maybe I'm easy, or just short on laughs, but it was cracking me up. Another thing I thank God for is that nobody banned him. They knew he was harmless and just having a little fun, and he wasn't being an asshole, like some drunks. I'd bet good money that Thomas is a happy-drunk. He'd occasionally make a comment besides "drink," and from the looks of his typing, he had a royal buzz going. The typing errors weren't because he couldn't spell; they were because he was drunk. I know for a fact that the majority of people in the chat don't drink, but I think that if we'd known ahead of time what the speech was going to be like, we'd have all gotten blottoed. We were drinking vicariously through Thomas.

 At first he made a few comments that were nothing but an emoji showing two champagne glasses tipping together in a toast, but I think it probably became too difficult or just too much of a bother to get to the emojis, the drunker he got. He made a few comments that were out-there and hilarious, but mostly the chat looked like "Blah-blah-blah-America-blah-blah WTF? blah-blah...drink...Meow-meow-meow-meow-infrastructure-meow-meow...drink...Bullshit-bullshit-bullshit-Nancy-bullshit and more bullshit...drink...Wah-wah-wah-WAH-wah-plannedemic-wah-wah-wah...drink...etc." It was outstanding.

At one point someone said something about drinking, and put up some alcohol-related emojis and such. It caught Thomas' eye, and changed his pattern ever so slightly. He replied "yes drink." I lost it. Thomas was in agreement. 

At one point he said "at least I'm wasted," and then went back to his usual comment, "drink." His chat rate started to slow down though, sort of like "Drink...drink...drink....drink......drink.........drink......................drink," until I figured we'd lost him to the bottle, and he'd finally faded out. After a minute or two of no Thomas, he had one last comment for us..."DRUNK," and that was about it from Tom. That rocks. I couldn't help putting "Cheers, Thomas! Night." in the chat.

 Humor is where you find it, and as I've said a million times, comment sections and chat rooms contain some of the best humor on the planet. It's pure and honest, and it's off the cuff and from the heart. Some people are just funny by nature, and that's a gift. Granted, some people wouldn't find a guy repeating the same word over and over in a chat room funny, and might even find it obnoxious, but it just fit the mood of the chat, and it cracked me up. Thanks for the laughs, Thomas Tedder. Cheers!