Too Much Shit from Fashion #43,764,852: Pre-Stressed Jeans

I use this as the title because of a classic example of misheard lyrics by my friend Champ. When he first heard the song Too Much Information by the Police he thought they were saying "Too much shit from fashion." I absolutely love that and it generally sums up my view of fashion- I'm going to do it because everyone else does it. 

 Jeans like these are the perfect example of why other countries laugh at us, although they'll probably catch on there too eventually. I see these everywhere now and I think they're a joke. Let's pay good money for a pair of jeans that's at best a couple-dozen washes away from the rag bag, just so we can "fit in." These jeans are torn so high up that they wouldn't even make a decent pair of cutoffs or even Daisy Dukes, unless you didn't mind having every orifice showing.

  Jeans were invented in the 1800s for miners and other workers who needed pants that would last, with more robust fabric and fittings. Back then, unlike the clowns who buy these things today, most people didn't have more money than sense, and they didn't care too much about fitting in. They did everything they could do to not let their jeans look like this. They'd laugh if they could see these goobers. 

 First we had stonewashed jeans. They looked like they'd faded somewhat naturally. They were okay but this is ridiculous. If jeans get to the point where they're torn like this naturally, the rest of the fabric would be very faded but with these the intact fabric is deep blue and fresh. It's obvious that they've been purposely torn. They're not well-loved and naturally faded, with stories to tell...they're bogus. I guess as long as it's trending it doesn't matter.

 I often think about unusual jobs that not many people have. What if I got a gig pre-stressing jeans...it might actually be fun, and it certainly wouldn't be the type of job that you take home with you after work or worry about what's going to happen tomorrow. I'd imagine it'd be a Zen-like job. It might not be the kind of job that carried much prestige or might get you laid or whatever..."What do you do for work?" "I pre-stress jeans." "Oh, okay. Check ya later."

 I make fun of fashion. Let's all bow to the gods of fa-fa-fa-fashion. Maybe it's because I read The Sneetches by Dr. Seuss, but I get a kick out of seeing everybody scurrying around trying to be like everyone else. Think about all the people who had rattail haircuts in the 80s, or any other stupid fashion trend...they look at photos of themselves and go: "What in God's name was I thinking?" 

 In the case of the sister in this image there's extra stupidity. She was wearing a thick jacket and was complaining about the cold. Seriously? Do you think it could have anything to do with the fact that your jeans have big holes in them? Well, at least she's in style. I guess we shouldn't be surprised, considering that she was dumb enough to drink and drive, but that's another story.

 In the brilliant tune Fashion, David Bowie sings: "We are the Goon Squad and we're coming to town...BEEP-BEEP." I couldn't have said it better. It's perfectly okay to do your own thing, including buying jeans that are intact and that will grow old with you and have stories to tell, and not worrying about "fitting in." At the end of the day, who cares? Marching to a different drummer can be a hoot. Hup, 2, 3, 4...