Interesting Jobs: Beatbox Bird

 I like to imagine totally unique jobs...ones that no one else has, and that, if they don't make good money they're at least interesting. I wouldn't mind having a gig being the owner of a "Beatbox Bird." If you've never heard of a Beatbox Bird, neither had I until I just now thought about it. 

 Humans are fascinated by how certain birds can mimic human speech and other sounds almost perfectly. It's cool to teach your bird to copy your voice but it's almost cooler to me when they mimic other sounds. For instance if you have a dog you can bet your bird is going to be able to sound just like him.

 Years ago there was a pet shop in Cahaba Heights. They had a Myna that stayed next to the cash register. It was an old-timey one and the bird copied every sound perfectly, from the clicking of the keys to the drawer opening to the bell dinging. I thought that was so cool. 

 What I'd like to do is get a bird and teach it drumbeats. That would be badass. I'd record it singing the beats, loop it and make "drum" tracks. It would have a slightly different sound...a hair of that squawk factor that birds have. I wish I could hear it right now.

 Now that anybody and their mom can make songs with nothing more than a laptop, people are always looking for beats, and so are major labels. I'd offer beats online, and just for laughs do copies on CD. As crazy as it sounds it could take off. People are always looking for something interesting and different, and it'd certainly qualify. 

 It'd still technically be sampled, except that the bird would be the sampler. The percussive sounds you could get would be unlimited. He could do drum rolls, fills, patterns and a variety of percussion instruments. 

 With a few patterns and some editing skills you could create epic drum tracks. I'd rather hear real drums on any song all day of the week but there are people who'll never use real drums. I think they'd dig the bird beats. 

 Videos of the bird in the studio would go viral. He might be invited to talk shows. You could have merch. You could get him to sing beats for two or three minutes, give him a mic and you could jam with him in real time. 

 I'd name him Blickum. That's the name of my YouTube channel and it comes from an ancient SNL skit where someone, maybe Gilda Radner, was mimicking the sound of a boring drum solo during a live concert, going "Blickum, blickum, blickum." I think that's hilarious and I also think it's a decent name for a beat bird.

 I'm bored out of my skull and I'm making up crazy stuff like this to keep from losing what's left of my sanity, but it'd really be legit, and a ton of fun, even if he never did any recording. If I had the wherewithal and a place to live I'd get a bird this afternoon and set up some drums. I would. Sheeka-sheeka boom-boom bap. AWK!