The Lake Loon Chronicles: Heron Encounter

Night before last at around midnight I took my dog for a walk, and we got buzzed by a heron. It kept flying back and forth about 30-40 yards in front of us. I never could see it but we sure heard it. If you've never heard the sound a heron makes, you owe it to yourself. You can find it on YouTube and elsewhere online, or better yet find a lake or a river and get out into Nature. Analog is good. 

 Their call sounds like a cross between a disgruntled old man, a duck and a bullfrog. You can't miss it. I think this one was being territorial rather than just randomly flying hither and yon and pretty close to us. I can't say for sure but I do know they're belligerent birds. Anything with a wingspan approaching 6' is a force to be reckoned with. I'm pretty sure they know that.

 Either way it was loud and in our faces. What was funny was my dog's reaction. He stopped in his tracks and looked at me with a definite quizzical expression on his face. He's never been that close to a heron before, and he was looking for answers. 

 I've never seen that exact expression before, and he kept looking at me, which is unusual for a walk. He lives to go for walks and he's in his element. Most of the time when we go for walks, I'm just dead weight on the other end of the leash...something that's keeping him from running off and exploring every nook and cranny on planet Earth.

 I talk to him and sort of narrate things, and every once in a while he'll remember I'm there. He'll wag his tail and I'm pretty sure he's thinking: "Oh yeah...you. Hey man!" Then he goes back to sniffing and adventuring. Beagles are a life-support system for a nose.

 But he kept looking at me for a long time. I had to laugh but I wished I could've explained it to him. I knew he wouldn't understand but I told him anyway that it was a heron. "It's a loud, big-ass bird" I said. "It's okay dude. Let's go." We finished our walk. He keeps his nose to the ground and I keep my eyes to the sky. I didn't see any meteors or Saucers or anything, but the sky was clear and beautiful. Did I say a quick prayer of thanks? Yes I did.

 I was thankful for where I was and that my best bud was with me. I was thankful for the air and the sky and the stars. I was thankful for the heron encounter. The look on my dog's face was priceless. 
 

Quote of the Day

"People aren't going to call the Antichrist 'the Antichrist;" they're going to call him 'the answer.'" - "Mike"

 

Human-Interest Story #97,972,527,681,933,863,494,074

I love these human-interest stories, and if dark humor is involved, all the better. This is Mary. She was given capital charges as an accomplice in the "unaliving" of four women. The judge sentenced her to life without parole, but gave her credit for something like 576 days of time already served. That's funny. 
 

How Dumb Can You Be?

I sometimes watch videos of people getting pulled over for suspected DUI and things like that, not only to witness the level of insanity and sometimes comedy, but also to reassure myself that there are indeed people who are crazier than I am. It never fails to disappoint, although the way some people totally lose their minds without a hint of self-control is shocking and a bit spooky.

 Dude here is sitting in a patrol car, watching a sheriff who's just discovered 80lbs of weed in his car, and he's contemplating how his life is about to change forever. He'd gotten pulled over for speeding, and the thing is that it could've all been avoided if he hadn't been a complete dumbass.

 He was smoking a J when he got pulled over. He managed to extinguish the joint but you can't extinguish the unmistakable aroma of burning rope when you smoke weed. He'd have only gotten a speeding ticket, or maybe just a warning, but he decided to potentially screw himself, which he did. 

 The grass was vacuum-sealed, so no odor would've been detected from the 80lbs; it was the one gram in the doob he was smoking that was the problem. I've seen this scenario repeated over and over- smoking while holding. Can't these people wait until they get to their destination before firing-up? Although reefer isn't an addictive substance in the way most other ones are, you have to wonder. It's like they're asking to get busted.

 Even if you're not moving 80lbs of weed, you don't have to be a dummy. Back in my smokin' and drivin' days, my philosophy was to never carry anything you couldn't eat. To that end I never had pipes, baggies or other paraphernalia. You can't eat a pipe and you could choke on a baggie. I'd only take joints, never more than I felt I needed to get from point A to point B, and I always had a bottle of water in case I had to wash them down. Luckily I never had to, but better safe than sorry.

 I don't get these people. If you absolutely can't drive without smoking weed, and I get that it makes the trip way more interesting, you could at least pull into a rest stop or eat an edible or whatever, but why in God's name would you smoke in your car when you're holding felony-level amounts of dope? 

 I watch such vids to remind myself that I'm not quite as stupid as some of these clowns. Works every time. There's a thing called common sense. You don't have to smoke 'em just because you got 'em. Have a nice day.
 

Another Answer to a Prayer?

I was just outside listening to a chorus of frogs and looking at the sky. I can walk out onto my little porch and look right at the Big Dipper without having to tilt my head. I realize some people can't dig it, and for some people the boonies would be torture, but to me it's heaven.

 If God isn't directly answering my prayers then a slew of improbable coincidences is stacking up. About a month ago i was saying a prayer that I've been praying occasionally for the last seven years. I'd tell God that although it was important to keep my mom out of a nursing home for as long as possible, like I did my dad, He knew that I'd been cut off from Nature, and if there was any way to get me out in it again, I'd surely appreciate it.

 Well, lo and behold here I'm is...almost as far out in the sticks as you can get. If it were any more "country" then there wouldn't even be an old-timey supermarket three miles away. There's no way I could've imagined this or really even make it happen by myself. The way it came about is bizarre, and something neither I nor my friends could've seen coming.

 They say God works in mysterious ways, and the way I got out here sure would fit the bill. This was a total swing of the pendulum...a total paradigm shift. The first few nights the nighttime quiet was almost freaky. Except for an occasional car driving by, all the sounds of the city, even including the sound of gunfire where I was living, are gone, and my brain had to recalibrate. It's so peaceful and calm...and again I know some people would hate it, but for those who can appreciate it it'd be hard to beat where I am now. 

 I wish I could bottle the air out here and send it to my friends. It's medicine, and I mean the good kind, with no side-effects. My dog loves it and all he wants to do day and night is go outside and sniff the air. If I'd known how much he was going to love it out here I'd have moved yonder just for him. Bless his heart.

 I knew he'd love all the different sights and smells out here but he notices the air too. The last couple of months were the most stressful I've ever had in my life, and while I tried hard to maintain a positive attitude for him as much as for me, he picked up on my stress. He just had a UTI that the vet thinks was likely brought on by stress. Sorry, little dude.

 A month ago I was in the city but now I'm in the boonies, and I never saw it coming. Funny how it's what I prayed for to the letter. So did God really answer my prayers or is it just a coincidence? You say coincidence; I say coinkidink...so let's call the whole thing off. Nah. I love it out here. God is good. If my dog could talk I bet he'd say the same thing. 

My YouTube Peeps: Darlene Magee

I've mentioned the amazing people I met on YouTube about eight years back. I'd never have expected to meet so many extra-cool people on YouTube but you never know. Out of all of them, Darlene Magee is a special case. She is a trip. 

 It's wild because this afternoon I decided to start doing my YT channel again, thinking about the people I'd reconnect with, such as Darlene Magee, and one of her vids popped up in my feed, which never happens. What a coinkidink. 

 I had to comment of course, and her reply was typical Darlene. It shows why my guys are so much fun and why I love them so much. I couldn't begin to list all the things that make her so interesting, but I'll touch on a few things. Ha-ha that might include Darlene, except that I'm fairly sure she's married. Never say never though, and she gets bonus points for asking about my mom.

 I have a very small channel, but I'll take quality over quantity all day of the week. It's like this blog...I've never tried to promote my channel in any way. I've never monetized, or said things like "Please share and subscribe" or "Smash that like button!" I don't care. 

 If I had 100K subs, probably 500 of them would be trolls, bots or just plain assholes. With only 250 subs I have zero assholes, and every one of them is human. I can interact with their comments without being overwhelmed. People with channels of 10K subs or more simply don't have time to respond to all the comments. I wouldn't want that. 

 Anyway, here's Darlene. From her name, her hat and the run-on sentences you might think she's a country gal, but actually she's French. She was born in France and moved to the US when she was fairly young. She's easy on the eyes. I've seen other photos of her and I've seen her live on YT. She's pretty hot.  

 Her sense of humor is beyond quirky, and what's beautiful is that some of her humor is accidental...she doesn't even know she's being funny sometimes. Her comments are off the wall to say the least. Whether she's trying to be funny or not, she just is. She can't help it. 

 In my little YT community, when one of us goes live, when she pops into the chat it's a hoot. We all love her to pieces. You never know what she's going to say or do but it's always entertaining. It takes things up a notch when she shows up, and she usually does. While she's firing off zingers she's also taking time to look up and post everyone's channel links, so we can sub to each other. She's a jewel. 

 Where the bit about the bear comes in is from a vivid dream about her that I had some years back. I dreamed that I went to her house. From the outside it looked like a typical nice house in Anytown, USA...white painted wood, a lawn, nice shrubbery and a garden out back, but when I went inside it was massive, and way bigger than it should've been. You don't question things in dreams.

 It had high ceilings, with mostly beautiful stone walls, except for a few that were done like a log cabin. It had a dirt floor but it was hard-packed to the point of being like tile. There were beautiful carpets and Native rugs and wall hangings. Some of the furniture was bamboo, some was Frank Lloyd Wright-esque and some was nice antiques. It was an odd mix of styles, and part cave, part mountain lodge, part log cabin and part hut from Gilligan's Island, but somehow it worked. It was impressive.

 We were sitting on a sofa having tea when a huge bear ambled out from another room. I think it was a Brown Bear but it may have been a Grizzly. Somehow I knew he was friendly and I wasn't afraid. He walked over and sat own next to me. Darlene offered him a cup of tea which he gingerly took. His giant paw dwarfed the cup but he managed to hold out his pinky like a proper gentleman. "Hello" I said. To my great surprise he answered "Hello." It was a talking bear. I was floored but again I didn't question it. Not only was he fluent in English but he was very intelligent and had a sense of humor.

 

 He extended his paw and I shook it. I tried to give him a firm handshake but I could barely get my hand around half his paw. We had a very nice chat. Not only did he not want to rip my face off but he could talk. Sadly at that point I woke up. Maybe my simple brain couldn't process the idea of a talking bear, even in my dreams. It's a shame it wasn't a lucid dream, where you can control the action. I'd have told the bear to go read a novel or something, and I'd have taken Darlene and...well, never mind, and I digress. I woke up grinning and shaking my head.

 I hesitated to tell Darlene about the dream...some people think it's weird or that you're trying to hit on them when you say you had a dream about them, but I'd known her for a good while by then and I figured she didn't think I was a perv. Sure enough she thought it was hilarious, and it's become an ongoing joke. It's funny because when we comment on each other's vids we sometimes mention the bear. Other people see those comments, and they're like, "What bear?" That's funny.

 In any case it goes to show that I'm going to enjoy getting back on YouTube again. It's crazy that just when I was thinking about Darlene, one of her videos popped up. I hadn't seen one of her videos in at least two years, but that's how things go sometimes. It was a joy to hear from her again and I look forward to having her on my livestreams. My YT peeps are all something really special, but she takes the cake. Darlene Magee is funnier than even a talking bear. This is going to be a blast. I can't wait. 

 

 

The Lake Loon Chronicles: The Breathin' Air

I've always loved the song Out in the Country by an ancient band called Three Dog Night. Since I'm now living out in the country for a while, it pops into my head regularly. Unlike James Taylor's and John Denver's songs celebrating country roads, it's more of a warning or a lament about a time when country life could disappear.

 The chorus goes: "Before the breathin' air is gone..." Three Dog was saying that it might go away one day, but fear not...there's still some breathin' air left, and it's a beautiful thing. I've been to the mountains and the beach and out in the country and noticed the difference in air quality, but it's been well over a decade. 

 Even my dog knows the difference. Every time I take him out and he finishes walking, he just wants to sit and sniff the air, and it's all I can do to get him to come back inside. It's interesting and pretty cool. 

 It's not like I'm 500 miles from civilization, and there are cars and whatnot, but it's far enough away from the city that I can tell a huge difference. I can feel it in my mind and body. So can my dog. Speaking of dog, I bet Three Dog Night would really dig it out here. It's a breath of fresh air. 
 

No Wonder People Laugh

Something funny happened twenty years ago and it still cracks me up. Paige, my gf at the time, had a British uncle who's still a legend, may God rest his soul. We were out at his place on a lake, and a couple of his friends from the UK were visiting. They were a hoot.

 Cable TV wasn't yet as big in England as it was here, and they were scrolling through all the channels in amazement. They stopped on a channel featuring a televangelist and his wife. I don't remember which one it was but the wife had a B-52/cotton candy hairdo that was blond with pink highlights and at least a foot tall. She looked like she could be Cindy Lou Who's mom from Dr. Seuss or something. 

 I wasn't surprised that they were laughing but they weren't directly poking fun at religion; they thought it was a comedy show. That made me laugh, but when they asked what show it was and I had to tell them it wasn't a brilliant American comedy show but rather it was serious, the laughter turned into complete befuddlement, or whatever the British term would be. Balderdash? Bollocks? 

 I don't know if it was Kenneth Copeland or not, but to me he's the poster child for creepy-ass televangelists. He's by far the most demonic-looking one I've ever seen. I don't see how his entire congregation doesn't flee in horror when he makes some of his faces, but they eat it up. It's easy to make someone look evil with a red filter, but if there was ever someone who looks like they're possessed by a demon it's Ken.

 In this image from a classic interview with a brave reporter from Inside Edition, he takes offense to one of her questions, and freezes in this pose for several spooky seconds, just glaring angrily at her. It was worthy of being in a horror movie, with a Voodoo priest putting a curse on someone. I bet she still has nightmares from doing that interview. He's a creepy dude.

 Yikes. I try to take into account that I already think he's a clown and a demon and I try to be objective, but when I look at his eyes I see something unholy. I might think it was just me, but judging by the thousands of videos calling him out and ridiculing him, I know that's not the case. People have fun with Kenny, and some of it is hilarious. There's your comedy show.

 Actually it's a comedy/horror show. He switches back and forth between clown and demon. On the comedy side he claims that he doesn't dye his hair...God keeps his hair naturally dark. Pray that gray away. Okay. On one hand you almost feel sorry for people who send in their rent and food money, but a dumbass is a dumbass. Why do people fall for that shit, besides dumbassery? I guess we'd have to ask PT Barnum or somebody. 

 Here we see him cutting his hand and doing a blood ritual on live TV. Too bad he used Ocean Spray instead of Kool Aid, but he gets the point across. My guys don't do blood rituals. Satanists do though.

 The Bible says that many of false prophets will appear on the scene, and Kenneth fits the bill perfectly. He's turned bullshit into a multi-million dollar industry. His crib is worth $7-mil. He has a couple of jets and his own airport. You should see the warehouses where he stores and ships his merch. Amazon would be proud. 

 If he's actually possessed by a demon, and again this is if God and the Devil are real, then I'm surprised that he can speak so freely about Jesus and the Devil without getting struck by lightning or something, but it says that God will allow deception. That doesn't seem very cool but it says our faith will be tested. 

 I don't like to use the words "Christian" and "Christianity," because many terrible things have been done in the name of "Christianity," and then there are clowns like Ken. You can only have a circus though if people buy tickets, and if people want to send in their rent money, hoping for monetary blessings according to his "prosperity gospel," but in reality buying him another gallon of jet fuel or a Hugo Boss tie, that's their business.

 Speaking of prosperity, the reporter asks a great question, which he sidesteps. She had two grandfathers who were preachers, and they lived well below Ken's level of finery. She mentions the verse that says it'd be easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to get into Heaven, but he retorts with the verse that says that with God, all things are possible. In addition to clown and demon, we need to add "spin doctor" to his title. To be fair, maybe I'm totally wrong and he's legit, but I doubt it.

 I've said a million times that as far as I'm concerned you can take every televangelist, stuff them into a clown car and drive it off a pier. Just be aware that this bozo does NOT speak for all "Christians." Far from it. Comedy is subjective, but Uncle Tim's friends were right...this stuff is true comedy. It's also tragedy. These fools are Satan's clowns in Satan's circus. I get it. Might as well grab some popcorn. Cue funny Calliope music. No wonder people laugh. He is not we, and we are not he. Thank God.

 

 

 

The Lake Loon Chronicles: My Constellations

A week ago I wouldn't have thought I'd be living on a lake out in the Boonies, but here I'm is. I can see the whole dang sky again, for the first time in many years. To be so cut off from Nature and then be so totally immersed in it is a little surreal. It's almost a shock to the system, but in a very good way. Not that I've had the quickest brain to begin with but it's slowed down a few pegs, which is just what I needed.

 Except for an occasional car driving by, besides the odd dog barking, including mine, crickets, a chorus of frogs and bird calls, it's so quiet out here that it feels like my ears have tripled in size. I sat out for about 45 minutes tonight. A cool breeze was blowing in. It was mixing with the warm air coming off the lake, so one minute it'd be a warm breeze and the next a cool breeze. It felt amazing. My dog really enjoyed it too.

 Although I didn't see any meteors, I realized that I can do something I've been wanting to do for a long time...re-draw my personal constellations. I drew them nearly a decade ago, but like so much of my stuff, they were stolen by my ex. Now I can take a sketch pad out and draw them again.

 Sometimes when I look at the traditional constellations that the ancients drew, it makes me lol. They came up with all these elaborate, vivid 3D things...animals, people and whatnot, from the outlines of stars. I've always wanted some of what they were smoking. Except for a few times when I was under the influence of select substances, I tend to see the stars, and the constellations, in 2D.

 The Big Dipper is no problem. You can tell what it is in 2D or 3D. I can even picture Orion, but beyond that I can't picture most of the constellations the way the ancients did. More power to 'em. I imagined some 2D constellations that are different from the ones we learn about. I was able to locate several of my old friends, and I can't wait to draw them again.

 I found the Kite, the Greater Manta Ray, W, the Constellation, the Lesser Manta Ray and the Poorly Drawn House. Ha-ha, sometimes I crack myself up. I like it here. Hopefully I can stay a little while. Heads-up.