The last time I told this story to anyone was several years back when I told it to my bro-in-law. He was polite enough to let me finish, but as soon as I did he came up with his own conclusion, that he'd no doubt made even before I told the story...it was all bullshit, and either I was having an acid flashback or some sort of seizure or something. In a way I get it, and that's typical of what most people say when they hear something that doesn't fit into their little box of perception, but it always amazes me that they'll take time to make up a scenario that suits their belief system yet DOESN'T EXIST, rather that take even two seconds to allow for the possibility that truth is stranger than fiction, and maybe...just maybe it really did happen. One thing beyond dispute is that while this happened decades ago I remember it like it was yesterday.
I tried to tell him that it was my junior year in high school and I was a late bloomer and hadn't even gotten drunk yet; much less taken acid; nor had I had epilepsy or a seizure disorder. It's hard to have an acid flashback when you've never taken acid. From what I hear most flashbacks last either just a few seconds, or the rest of your life. I'd say in my case it'd have to be the latter, only I hadn't indulged. The first part of the incident took place directly in front of several tables of diners not twenty feet away, who were looking as much as they could without appearing to be staring, because the people in question were so unusual they couldn't help it. If I'd had even a small seizure I'd have frozen for at least a few seconds, and someone would've seen it and called paramedics. But if you still want to say it's bullshit and I'm tripping, I get it.
I grew up in a huge, beautiful church that takes up half a city block. On Wednesday nights we'd get together in a huge hall and have dinner and then clear out the tables and play volleyball. I'll say also that I had had a puff of weed or two by then maybe but I'd never even been seriously drunk, and due to my upbringing I had a self-imposed stigma against being altered in any way when I was in the Lord's house. I did accidentally break that rule once or twice, with incredibly hilarious results, but I never went to church drunk or high usually, and I wasn't that night.
I drove an amazing car called a VW Squareback. That night I had to bow out of the game early to take a friend of mine to the airport. When I got back everyone had packed up and left a little early. I had some school books I needed and sometimes the building was left unlocked, but not that evening. I decided to go on home. I started my car, but when I pressed the clutch pedal it went all the way to the floor like a wooden spoon in a pot of spaghetti. It wouldn't engage any gear and I figured the cable had snapped. I looked underneath and didn't see anything broken, but I was stuck. I called a few friends but they were out. I finally called home but mom told me that dad was in a meeting and she'd relay the message when she could, so I knew I had at least an hour to kill. I never did mind walking around that part of town and it was a beautiful evening so I took off around to the front of the building.
No sooner did I hit the sidewalk when an interesting-looking couple approached. They were very attractive and they looked to be mid-20s maybe. They were immaculately dressed in solid black. They both had on black shirts, slacks, jackets and boots, and it was all high-quality stuff. You could definitely say that they weren't from around here. They almost glowed. The woman had straight, light-blond hair; light, blue-green eyes and she was stunning. The guy was also what I'd call very good-looking, and he had dark hair. They looked almost too perfect somehow. They approached me with a question and I was all too happy to help. I was curious about them, and to interact was a bonus.
They stopped and asked me if there was a gas station nearby. That made sense. I figured they were just passing through and got stuck, and anyone here would've known that there was a 24-hour Shell station a few long blocks away. I think there's a nursery there now but at the time it was one of the only stations in town open late. We were standing maybe fifty feet from the corner that was the only turn they'd need to make to get to it. I told them to take a left, and in about fifteen minutes they'd be there. The next few blocks went sharply uphill and there was a turn to the right and then a sharp curve to the left and then the home stretch downhill to the Shell. It was twisty and turny and hilly but no problem if they just hung a louie and followed the road until they got there. After I politely told them the simple directions they looked confused. "What if we get lost?" asked the girl. "You can't get lost" I replied. "What if we can't find it?" asked the guy. "You can't miss it" I replied. "But what if...what if..." they kept saying. It got completely ridiculous.
This went back and forth a few times until I summoned the last bit of patience I had and laid out a verbal journey of their trip; step-by-step. "Okay" I started. "You go up to the corner" I said and pointed to the corner big as shit just a few yards away. "Then you take a left, okay? You go one block, and then you go up, up, up the hill and around the corner. Right?" They looked at me like they didn't know what directions were. "Okay, right?" I said again. No reply. "Okay. Go up the hill and you'll bear to the right, and then you'll go around a sharp turn to the left, and you'll catch a beautiful view of the city. If you look up you'll see a huge-ass metal man named Vulcan. He has a lit-up torch and he's really big. Can't miss him. When you see the big giant iron man, you're almost there, and as soon as you round the corner you'll see the sign. It's no problem as long as you stay on the sidewalk. Take a left and you'll be there in a bit."
They weren't satisfied and I wondered if they were completely from a different part of the planet where they didn't have cities or something, or they were just whacked out of their minds on drugs and decided to dress to the nines for the occasion, which could have well have been the case, but if it was it was like no "trip" I've ever seen anyone on. They did look a bit overdressed and perfect for our fair city, but until the endless stupid questions they seemed relatively normal and quite sober. I'd had enough though and I said "Good evening and good luck" and turned to walk the other way, but then they both addressed me in a weird language, and I sort of froze. The both began speaking to me in some odd tongue that sounded like half gibberish and half legit. I've always been into language and the roots of words and things like that, and many times I can at least take a guess where a certain language stems from, but this sounded like nothing, and I mean nothing that I've ever heard before or since. I couldn't describe it now or then but I remember the creep factor going off the charts.
If that weren't enough their eyes got dark. Again, it's possible they were on some heavy drugs and their pupils got huge right then, but I really doubt it. It seemed like the whole pupil and iris got dark; like those colored contacts the Goth folks wear these days. I was looking right into their eyes; both of them, and I saw them get dark. I can't say they turned perfectly 100% black like the BEKs, but I clearly saw them darken noticeably. That wasn't the weirdest part to me but it was icing on a very bizarre cake. I was already beyond annoyed with questions coming from people who didn't look like they should be so apparently clueless, but that took it into an entirely different thing.
I was spooked for sure but I was so fascinated that I stayed for a minute. They didn't change expressions but they were looking straight into my eyes as if they were earnestly telling me something, and expected me to understand. I hoped they'd revert back to Earth languages but they didn't, and all I can say is that the feeling turned a little too sinister for my liking. "I'm afraid I can't help you" I said and turned back and headed up an alley to my car. I didn't know if they were just lost as fuck, or high, or Aliens or maybe demons, but I'd had enough fun with the Beautiful People for one night. Apparently they didn't think so.
I was sitting there like a dummy trying to figure out what the fuck had just happened. I'm sure the people in the restaurant were wondering too, although they certainly didn't get the full picture. I was sitting on a wall by my car and waiting for the strange people to leave, but they seemed to want to hang around and fuck with me some more, or at least I'm assuming it was still them although I never saw them after we spoke. Next thing I knew I heard two differently-pitched, overlapping sets of "Clip-Clops." Apparently they were walking up the same alley. Again I'm assuming it was them, but it was definitely a larger and smaller person in boots walking together and headed my way. I wasn't thrilled about it but I didn't feel any more weirded-out than I already was.
There were people nearby in several establishments and at the time there was a police station two blocks away. I didn't feel the need to summon help, but it soon became apparent that whomever it was, they were fucking with me on purpose. I wasn't afraid of getting my ass kicked, but they'd turned so freaky all of the sudden and if they were something slightly other than human, which really wouldn't have surprised me, they might've had ray guns or evil powers or something. I didn't know what to think at that point. I really can't describe how strange and spooky it was. I wish I could've recorded that language.
They were coming up the alley and my first thought was that maybe they were so bloody stupid or high that they'd missed the turn. They walked up the alley until they got just shy of the corner, and right around from where I was sitting. I figured they were getting their bearings and would keep on walking, but after a few seconds they turned around and walked back down the alley. I was glad to see them go. Next thing I knew, about a minute later I heard the same boots walking up 21st Street and around to the other side of the building. Sure enough they stopped just right at the corner and out of sight. There were thick bushes there and they lingered a few seconds. I heard rustling and I knew they were probably looking at me even though I couldn't see them. Then they went back down the street and the sound disappeared, only to return a minute later coming back up the alley. Shit.
At that point I wasn't sure whether to get out of there or what, but I stayed put. They did the same thing again and repeated it several times. I knew as long as they weren't directly threatening me I was okay, but even back in those gentler times, with people acting like that, anything's possible. That's little-kid shit, like ringing doorbells and running off. I didn't expect that shit from the overly-proper-looking people with the eyes that matched their outfits. Then again I didn't expect any of the other crazy shit either. The walking business continued a good half-hour, which is crazy in itself, and it was only when I heard my dad driving up the alley did the footsteps stop.
The first words out of my mouth to my dad were what did he think about those people he just passed, and he said he didn't see anybody. My jaw dropped because they'd just been coming up the alley and he should have had to slow down to pass them safely. Like an idiot I asked him if he was sure he didn't see two people dressed all in black, and he looked at me like probably most people reading this would. "Uhh..." I decided to keep quiet for a minute, because that was truly fucked-up. I was shaking my head and thinking that they were possibly either Aliens, and they'd beamed up, or demons, and they'd beamed down. Either way or not, people don't just disappear. The only saving grace and the only thing probably that doesn't make that last part seem totally absurd is that there was a very short stairwell that started at street-level and went down a half-dozen steps to a side door to the playroom. We used to duck down in there and hide from cars all the time. When we were kids. They could've easily seen the car coming from way off and ducked down in the stairwell and completely disappeared. That's the only logical explanation. I asked dad to go back down the alley and I looked over the railing but there was nobody there. In the ensuing distractions and noise from dad and me trying to find out what was wrong with the car, they could've easily slipped away unheard.
That's just one of those gifts that keeps on giving and I ponder it from time to time. It's way up in the WTF files. My best guess is I don't know. I do know one thing for sure...they definitely weren't from around here.
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