Nature Boys

 I'm leaving the lake place in the morning and I'm packing up. I feel awful right now...almost physically sick. I'm feeling so many different things that I guess my brain doesn't know which chemicals to release so it just released them all. It's very uncomfortable.

 Part of it is not knowing what's next, but something feels wrong about leaving. There were a few other disadvantages to this place that I didn't mention. I never could get my drums down here, which would've totally changed things. We couldn't get much exercise because we were surrounded by water on two sides, a large fence and a highway on the other two. 

 I thought I'd be mobile three months ago but it didn't happen. Mostly I sat in the place all day long. Thank God for my dog. Speaking of B, I've mentioned it already but it's amazing how guilty I feel taking him away from here. He'll be fine but he loves it here way more than in the city. 

 I also had to go through losing my mom while I was here, and alone to boot. Again I thank God for my dog. For about three weeks after she passed I couldn't get more than two hours of sleep a night. I just stared at the walls all night long, and I was so ready to get out of here I couldn't stand it. Now I feel bad about leaving. 

 I think it's the thought of leaving Nature. I hate leaving the fresh air too. It's been very healing for both of us. I can easily feel the difference and so can B. We're both Nature boys. 

 I've mentioned this many times but it's been scientifically proven that our brains need some sort of a connection to Nature in order to function properly. I could've told you that without any scientific studies. It literally recharges our batteries. 

 My instinct is to stay right where I am, but I can't. I've got to get my shit together and for now that requires being near civilization. I do wish I could fill up a bunch of scuba tanks with the air out here, and breathe it when I get back to the city. 

 I hope I can shake this feeling. If I do get my shit together I'll definitely be getting back into Nature as often as I possibly can. I'll be apologizing to my dog the whole way back into town. Sorry dude! We'll be back.