Comment of the Day

"Listen up, Mr White Man; SHUT THE FUCK UP. Thank you." - S.A. Partee

Quote of the Day

"Beans and rice, and rice and beans." - Dave Ramsey

Handle of the Day

I've said before that I love to read the comments beneath videos. There's always the usual trolls and angry assholes, but there's also true comedy and sometimes amazing insight. What's really funny is when people post their comments without trying to be funny at all but it's still hilarious. Some of these people could do standup. Sometimes even their YouTube names are funny.
 Sally was watching videos last night and she laughed and said "Here's one for you. 'Mr Go Fuck Yourself.'" "Nice" I said and asked whose vid it was on. I was really happy to hear that it was a channel run by a guy we love named Ed. Ed is from New Zealand, and he has such an intense accent that it sounds fake but it isn't. It's a hardcore accent and I can't recall the region or dialect but it sort of has a long drawl to it. It's slow and exaggerated. "Ed" is one short syllable but it takes him three seconds to say it. It sounds like he's saying "Eeeeeeeed," with a long E. Good stuff.
 Eeed is awesome. He's extremely intelligent and well-spoken and he talks about things with great insight and bemused wit. He's fun and friendly and really pleasant to listen to. He has a great sense of humor and he cracks himself up occasionally and it's great. What's really funny is that Eeed has a Christian bent, as do some of his subscribers, and the very idea of someone on there called Mr Go Fuck Yourself didn't seem like it was going to work out at first, but as it turns out, Mr Go Fuck Yourself is a regular. Sally was about to crash when she told me about Mr Go Fuck Yourself, so I went in the next room and pulled up the vid. It took a minute or two but I found him. He made a comment directly to Eeed so obviously Eeed knew him. He said something like "Hey Ed! Long time, lol!" Eeed didn't reply at least so far, but a few other people did. Apparently Mr Go Fuck Yourself is somewhat of a legend. After I saw Mr Go Fuck Yourself's comment I saw that there were a bunch of replies so I clicked on that. Someone said "Hey old-timer. Great to see you playing in the chat today." Someone else made a reply to that comment..."Oldies but goodies, lol." I was enjoying the goings-on. It was hilarious to see people replying to Mr Go Fuck Yourself with "@Mr Go Fuck Yourself:" I was grinning the whole time.
 Finally someone closed off the thread with something to the effect of "@Mr Go Fuck Yourself: 'Godspeed, Noble Warrior! May you etc. etc.'" It was a beautiful sendoff to Mr Go Fuck Yourself. I'd expected the comments; given the nature of the occasional Christian leanings, that Mr Go Fuck Yourself would immediately be attacked savagely for his handle alone; let alone addressing Eeed directly, and I was ready to say "Ouch." It was really refreshing to see that Mr Go Fuck Yourself was welcomed like a friend and obviously admired. It just goes to show that you can't judge a book by its cover. It'll probably take some time to be able to top Mr Go Fuck Yourself as a YouTube handle. I almost wish I'd thought of it except that it's a little too belligerent even for me. I do know that I'm going to sub Mr Go Fuck Yourself's YT channel for sure. I'll be proud to have him in my list of channels I'm subbed to. It probably sounds crazy as hell but it was actually heartwarming to know that Mr Go Fuck Yourself is a good dude. Cheers, Mr Go Fuck Yourself. You've got balls, man. Love your handle.

Q & A of the Day

Siri Customer: "Siri, are you listening to my personal calls?"
Sisi: "Yes, I'm listening."

SCIENCE!

I didn't see it myself, but I heard that my bro-in-law got into a heated debate with someone over something he was saying was bullshit. As usual he was basically putting down people with different opinions that his esteemed ones, and some guy took him up on it. I'm not surprised. As long as I've known him he says that anything that you can't see, hear, touch. eat or fuck isn't real. I get that and he's far from alone in those "enlightened" beliefs, even though I say it's statistically impossible, and for the record I've always tried to avoid people who put others down and trying to show their intelligence at the same time. To me all it shows is their ass.
 I don't enjoy talking to him very much because he has a way of making you feel stupid for asking a question about something he's studied for years. He's the best computer tech I've ever known but ironically he's the last person I'd ever ask a computer question of. Also he'll come at me on my Facebook page and accuse me of this and that and basically being an idiot. I welcome a difference of opinion, and as I've said before I'd love nothing more that to debate him in a formal setting where he'd be forced to show me the same respect that up until now anyway I've shown him. If he did shit like coming at me over things like Autism rates for example, and he didn't have his facts together but pretends he does, I'd eat his lunch. As it is I'd just as soon not be disrespected. A disagreement is fine. Disrespect isn't.
 Apparently he said "I have faith in science," and that's when the guy jumped his shit. I don't mean to put words in his mouth but if I were to read between the lines I'd see ", and not in "religion," for lack of a better word. FYI "religion" is bullshit and way more often than not a tool of oppression rather that as a path to God. And BTW, you don't need a church building or Mother Mary or the Pope or "religion" or anything else to get to God. It's a one-on-one deal and it always has been and will be, Amen. I have no idea what the other guy said to him and I'm not going to go see. It'd make me uncomfortable, because the fact is I love my bro-in-law, and even though he may be brilliant in many areas I feel bad for him sometimes. But enough bro-bashing. I'll still love him and maybe I'll even say a little prayer here and there and I don't care who knows it, and I'll try to continue to show him the respect he doesn't always show me. I'm fucking FAR from perfect and I've done plenty of shit I regret. But facts are facts and if he wants to continue to try to prove I'm a dumbass, then bring it, bro. I can take the gloves off too. Anyway he believes in science. Let's have a look at science, shall we?
 First though I have to say that whenever I hear the word "science" emphasized I usually think about the classic Thomas Dolby tune "She Blinded Me with Science," Without searching I'm pretty sure the album was called "The Golden Age of Wireless." It's a brilliant record and most of it still holds up well today.  It broke new ground, and introduced the Pop world to Simmons electronic drums. It also helped popularize "hiccup" vocals but that's another story. The chick in the lab coat (top) from the video and I think also the single cover sometimes pops into my head too. No worries there. I'm a sucker for horn-rims. I don't know about science (SCIENCE!), but Nature was certainly kind to her. For the track Blinded, they sampled the classic voice ("It's ALIVE!") from the mad scientist in the classic Frankenstein movie. He says "SCIENCE!" and they used that as a call-and-response vocal. It's wonderful.
 But what about "real" science? First off it would really help if more people understood that probably 99.9% of all scientific research is all about the dollar. Sure, you see these guys doing little fun science tricks for kids and things like that, but if you really think modern science is all about helping humanity, then bless your heart. If they can make a buck off of humanity they'll research it, but otherwise it's all about money. "How can we make this 'New and Improved?'" or "What new med can we come up with to convince people they need?" and most of all, "How the FUCK to we get rid of all this brutally-toxic fluoride?" Oh, BTW again, drinking fluoride for tooth decay is just as effective as drinking sunburn lotion for a sunburn. And I didn't just up and decide that one day. I've studied this stuff for decades, and it was damn difficult when I finally had to admit it to myself, because my naive ass gave it the benefit of the doubt. You see I love science too. I really do. Faith in it? Fuck, no. I'd about have more "faith" in George Michael, and I don't care much for that motherfucker.

 Much of science (SCIENCE!) is Hollywood. Don't believe it? What about this famous photo of "Uncle" Walt and Wernher Von B? Most of the animated shorts done for NASA about space, weather and what the future would be like and such were done by Disney. Sure they were best-qualified, but it still shows a connection, and many people think it continues to this day. While you're at it, why not look into the history regarding who started all of these organizations. You'll be very surprised I guarantee. Speaking of Hollywood, what about all the science dudes you see on TV? Aren't they real scientists? Mostly yes, but with caveats.

What about Neil smokesGrasse Tyson? He's a tool. He's also an actor, and has appeared in quite a few movies and TV shows. "Well, he plays himself " you'd say and you'd be correct, but still he's an actor, and he's been animated in at least two cartoons so far. I mean, come on. I've seen most of the things he's acted in, and he sure seems to enjoy acting way more than some of his latest interviews about actual science (SCIENCE!). When challenged, he's gotten defensive, dismissive and angry. He's been waving his arms around lately and even jumping out of his chair to defend his point of view, while showing absolutely zero respect for the interviewer's. Yes, he's trained as a scientist. He's also trained as an actor. Yes, he comes out with facts, if they support his conclusions, but I've never seen him stray ONCE from the official narrative, and in my day we were taught that a good scientist should ALWAYS question things. I call bullshit. Decent guy though, I guess.

What about Michio Kaku? Good ol' Michio. We all love his pretty white hair and his smile and his calm, soothing voice. I really dig him as a person, but a scientist not so much. Again he's a tool. To his credit and from my observations he actually presents the most usable "science" of any of these guys, but mostly all he talks about is how great this and that technology is and how much it will improve humanity and blah-blah. Yeah, I'd have a cup of coffee with Michio. I'd share a sake (hope that's not racist) or a good small-batch even, and I don't drink. Buying into everything he says? Not a chance. Like Neil smokesGrasse Tyson he loves the spotlight. Again, Hollywood as much as science. Again, tool.

What about Carl Sagan? Surely I'm not going to fuck with Carl, since he's dead, right? Wrong. Hate to say it but for one thing he never said "Billions and billions" any more than Kirk ever said "Beam me up, Scotty." Sorry to burst your bubble but both are bullshit. Sagan was my generation's science guy, and I did spend a lot of time listening to what he had to say, and he did send me on some cool cosmic journeys in my mind. It wasn't until years later that I realized that many of his philosophies were occultic to the point of being satanic. That might not concern many people but it does me. He had no faith in God and that's his business, but he did have faith in science. It's funny how all those years he could look at all the incredible beauty; not to mention the odds-defying perfection and the uber-precise math of the Cosmos, without at least acknowledging the possibility of a creator. RIP, Carl. For your sake, I hope you're right.

But what about Bill Nye, the "Science" Guy? In his case I couldn't put enough quotation marks around the word "science." Bill Nye started his career as a comedian. That's totally appropriate, since every time I see his goofy-ass face I automatically think "clown" and not "scientist." Do an image search and see for yourself. "But that's okay...and he does a science show for kids! How can you rag him?"
 For one thing he's a douchebag. Recently he had some heinous young chick singer on his "science" show. She was singing about masturbation and all this stuff, and they showed Bill rocking out to her. It was disgusting. In case anybody missed a word of all the filthy shit she sang about, they helpfully put the lyrics on the screen. Look it up on Youtube and then give me your opinion of Bill Nye, the "Science" Guy (SCIENCE!). Remember that his show is targeting kids down to whatever age they're able to understand those lyrics. It's one thing for a teenager to see that, but any parent who'd knowingly let a young child watch that shit should be brought up on abuse charges, and Bill Nye should too, at least. He's the lowest of the scum. He's not only a tool; he's a clown tool. He's a dick with ears. If by chance you should ever happen to run into Bill, you can tell him I said so. Oh, and also tell him I said "SCIENCE!" He should drop to his knees, and I don't mean to have fun. He should be asking for forgiveness. That's no joke. Ain't no science in Hell, Bill (SCIENCE!).
 Think about it...do you really think you're ever going to see an ordinary scientist? Do you think they're going to show some plain-Jane, dorky, funky dude who probably needs a haircut and never gets an ounce of pussy? Of course not. They have to make it into entertainment. If it's mere science; God forbid, they're not interested. That's why actors and comedians make such great "TV scientists." Get it? Maybe my bro has enough sense to at least see the opaqueness, if not the transparency of these scientists (and actors and comedians), but I'm not so sure. Sure there's some actual science there (SCIENCE!) and I've learned some things from these guys, but there's at least double that amount of pure bullshit. Google it, Dylan. There are very few scientists in this country who aren't at the end of a chain, and that definitely includes this bunch of individuals. Do your own damn research. DO IT. Yo, folks, this is a load of Pop science. Real science is still out there if you know where to look. SCIENCE!

She Blinded me with Science (SCIENCE!) studio version and vid: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y2VNxmn0lNA

The Best Song I (N)Ever Wrote

Like most semi-musically-inclined folks I've written a tune or two. Most of them, and it's not many, live in my head, although I've written down a few lyrics and I can read music enough to figure out a few of the basic notes of the melody if I have an hour or so to kill. With the exception of one or two songs, including the non-mega-hit "She Might Be Your Girlfriend," which was written about an interesting fellow I was in a band with, most of my songs probably are crap. But as Hank as my witness I could write a traditional Country song just as good as anybody, and I shit you not. I write them for fun in my head almost every day. I mean cry-in-your-beer stuff.
 The problem is I only like traditional Country, like Waylon and Willie and the boys, but I don't listen to much of it. I usually like a bit more stimulation in my music. Writing imaginary Country songs is just a hobby. Don't get me wrong...I dig and respect some of it; if nothing else for all the crazy shit they could get away with singing about, as long as they set the lyrics to a happy-ish melody. That incredibly dark and creepy shit they sang about still blows my mind. It makes some Death Metal lyrics sound tame. I certainly don't care for it, but if nothing else its belligerency speaks for itself.
 Anyway I can flat-out write a Country song. Again, I mean the trad stuff. To me, "New" Country songs are just Pop tunes that didn't make it as Pop tunes, so they added a steel guitar and twanged-up the vocals, and voila...a New Country smash hit. I could write that shit in my sleep. Not interested. I write these fucking killer tunes in my head, with lyrics, basic chords, bridge and everything, and even pick geetar solos in my head, but I forget them the next day. One stands out though. It's based on this short dream I had years ago, whereby some miracle I'd made it to Heaven, and there were at least 150 people all playing acoustic guitars. It should've been a complete trainwreck, since in real life, one or two guitarists is usually enough, but everybody played as one. It was a great dream.
 Out of nowhere I found myself in Heaven. I probably thought "Holy S#it...I MADE it!" but I found myself sitting in this huge circle of guitarists sitting under a gazebo-type thing out in the middle of the most beautiful scenery you could imagine. I looked down and I had a beautiful walnut acoustic in my lap, but I knew I'd only had a few Classical lessons and the only song I could play was "House of the Rising Sun," which happens to have exactly three chords, but presumably due to being in Heaven, somehow I knew how to really play. There were 150 acoustic guitar players in Heaven, and we were all playing the Steely Dan classic "Barrytown." I remember chuckling at that even in my dream, but I just went with it. I guess I figured we'd be playing hymns or something. It still cracks me up. Come to think of it...the song did have a biblical reference in the bridge. It goes: "In the beginning we recall that the world was hurled. Barrytown people got to be from another world." Maybe that's why, but probably not. The idea of playing Steely Dan in Heaven; on any instrument, is making me tear up right now, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. For me personally it's a beautiful and appropriate thought. Playing Steely Dan on Earth is just fine too, but if there's an afterlife, that's not a bad deal. I'd have never dreamed that 150 guitar players all playing at once could even stay in the same time zone; much less play as a unit, but they did.
 ANYwho, Some time after that I was going about my business one day and as usual the Country tune of the day popped into my head. I didn't have to do any work...it was as if the song had already been written and I was just listening to it. Just an acoustic came in. It was the simplest guitar thing you could ever play in your life. It was the same chord over and over, except that just the one bass note changed a couple of frets every other time. You'd know it if you heard it. Then a guy (me) came in sort of half-singing/half-talking, and it went: "The first thing that happens when you get to Heaven is...you learn to play the guitar...and you're good." I thought it wasn't a bad opening line and I was eager to work on it, but after the first line it stopped. I couldn't come up with the next line to save my life. I wrote/didn't write that thing probably twenty years ago. It's popped into my head a million times, and I got nothing.
 I'd like to think that it's because it's such a killer opening line that there's just no way to follow it, but that's probably not it. I could write a tune right this minute, and I guarantee someone would at least consider it. I can't finish this tune for anything. "Meow, meow, meow, meow" is about all I can come up with. It's nuts. I can write Country tunes in my head every fucking day but I can't even come up with the next line. I don't get it. Well, sheeit. Ours is not to question why, I reckon. Have a good'un, y'all.

Soft Porn

If you like chicks in bikinis, then boy, do I have a show for you. Uh-oh...maybe I shouldn't say "boy." I should say "If you're a man, woman, LBGT or even a fucking robot and you like chicks in bikinis, then PERSON, do I have a show for you." I hope that covers it. Fuck me. Remember when having to be "PC" was merely a pain-in-the-ass? Anyway, chicks in bikinis.
 There's a show on the Travel Channel that I'm pretty sure is called "Secret Swimming Holes" or something like that. It shows people swimming in swimming holes, and from what I've seen, well over half of the persons are female persons. Like them odds. I have to say that in this digital age, it warms my heart to see people actually enjoying Nature. I didn't know people still did that. Why go to all the trouble of hiking through the woods and getting all that exercise to get to a swimming hole when you can just watch it on your phone? I'm surprised, but I definitely don't have a problem with it.
 There's something hot about swimming holes. For the most part they are secret. Back in my day when we snuck off to a swimming hole, sometimes girls would tag along, and you might get lucky and get to see Billy's sister in a swimsuit. Hell, yeah it was hot...not to mention that most of us have had our fair share of experiences with the opposite sex at swimming holes. Oops...I did it again. I should say "Most of us have had our fair share of experiences with either sex at swimming holes." Jesus. Whatever.
 Anyway, for we oldtimers who still like a little mystery, this show rocks. The scenery is incredible. The landscapes are nice too. I've only watched parts of 3-4 episodes maybe, and the lasses (PEOPLE, I mean) seem to be well-endowed; like the gals (PEOPLE) in this image, and I haven't noticed a gram of silicone. On the Boner Scale, out of a possible 4 boners, I'd give it a 2.5, easy. PEOPLE. Jesus.