Bear Beware

I've made a couple of walking sticks for some friends who hike the Appalachian Trail among other places where there might be bears. This is the only pic I have of the last one I made. It's third from the top. It's about 5' tall and it's made from a small sapling, probably Oak, that was cut down and stripped of bark by one of the local beavers. Their teeth leave interesting patterns in the wood.
 For hikers who might run into a bear the sticks have various noise-makers attached. This stick has sleighbells, cowrie shells and other things that make sound. The sounds are pleasant to the ear but plenty loud to a bear. The idea is just to let the bear know you're coming. Even though he could kill you with one blow and he knows it, unless you accidentally come up on him and startle him or block his path (Rule #1: If a bear crosses your path, it becomes his path) or God forbid get too close to a cub, the bear would much rather split than take on a human. So my sticks or any other similar sticks will alert a bear to your presence, but it's mostly a passive deal.

I ain't got nothin' on this shit. It's a backpack that sprays anti-bear juice out of the tailpipe. This is James Bond. It wouldn't be surprising to see the guy levitate and fly forward. This is no spritz of pepper...it's a smokescreen. You'd think it would fuck-up a bear pretty good, unless he turned his head and coughed at just the right moment, or a gust of wind blew it back your way. I can say for sure that if a bear were bearing down on me from behind I'd be very grateful to have this unit.
 It holds a big can of pepper spray and is activated by pulling a ripcord in front. I'm guessing you can control the flow rather than setting off the whole can at once, but in this video it looks like the guy shot the wad and emptied the whole can. I suppose that's what most people would do too if they were being chased by a bear. After they heard a noise behind them and turned around and realized there was a bear chasing them, as soon as they finished shitting themselves, if they could even remain calm enough to have the presence of mind to pull the cord at all, they'd be like "Bear...FUUUUUUUUUUCK!" and they'd grab that cord and ying on it for all they were worth. No point in being polite.

Here's the business end. It clearly indicates that it's bear spray and where it comes out. Since bears can't read I'm assuming it's to warn other hikers that you're equipped with a fuck-'em-up device. Judging by the range on that thing you might want to stay about 25' behind it, but yeah, it's the "Rock concert" of bear sprays. I'm impressed. Of course if the bear were in front of you you'd have to wheel around and face away from him, and that might not be too much fun. I think I'd attach a little rearview mirror onto the bill of my cap.
 I saw this on a vid I was watching about the latest self-defense gadgets, since I live in an area that has the occasional ne'erdowell, and I've been face-to-face with a couple of bad guys myself. Outside of known bear habitats I doubt you could get away with wearing this very long without attracting serious attention. There was one segment advertising a strobe light designed to disorient an attacker. It showed a woman walking through town late at night and a bad guy coming up from behind her. She turned around and held the light up and flashed it and the bad guy made a face and put his arm in front of his eyes and he may have been temporarily blinded, but if I were that sister I think I'd rather have the James Bond Bear Fuckerupper myself. Hose that bitch. I don't know how you'd begin to try to conceal that rig for dangerous urban environments but maybe it could be rigged with a smaller can.
 This bear-fuck device is some serious kit as they say, but I think I'd want a front-shooting option. A bear can outrun you all day long and if he's coming up on you from behind you might have a second or so to react. I question whether it would even stop a determined bear but it would definitely change his attitude. It would change the attitude of a human too if you could somehow make what looks like a fire extinguisher on your back appear stealthy. In a really bad neighborhood it could come in handy. Technology is fun. Have a safe day.