Wednesday, December 4, 2024

Real Life Drummer Joke


 I heard a funny story about a drummer. I was trading band stories with a friend who plays guitar. He was telling me about the time he learned the value of a good drummer to a band. Hear hear. 

One night they were trying out a new drummer whose meter was all over the place. He sped up and slowed down every song and it drove the guys berserk. My friend can't remember his name, but it's best forgotten. I'll call him Joe.

 They'd used several drummers, all of whom I know, and none of them had any major tempo issues. I'm sure having the songs speed up and slow down all night made them feel seasick. 

 It's okay if a song speeds up a tad on the chorus or whatever because we're human and we get excited, so the tempo can speed up a peg, but it shouldn't be a rollercoaster ride. And don't even get me started on guys trying to play drunk or high...but that's a different story.

 My meter is anything but perfect although I can usually keep it in the ballpark. I always say that the day I stop speeding up a touch here and there is the day I quit playing, because that'll be the day I'm no longer excited by music. That's really just my excuse for not having great meter, but it sounds good on paper.

 We had a band director in high school who called tempo fluctuations "Russian Dragon" music, meaning that the music was rushin' and draggin.' That's classic. RIP R. Wayne. You were loved and appreciated.

 So the Russian Dragon guy's girlfriend came out to the gig and everybody met her. About a year later my friend ran into her somewhere and struck up a conversation.

 He'd lost weight and she commented on it. Then she said: "I lost 175 pounds...I got rid of Joe." Sorry Joe but that's funny. She went on to say that he wasn't really a good drummer. Ouch. She added: "Come to think of it...he wasn't all that good at much of anything." Double-ouch.

 That's very unusual. I've never once heard a musician's girlfriend, or a drummer's girlfriend either for that matter, say anything negative about their Rock Star honey, at least when it comes to music. Usually they talk them up whether they're good or not so good. 

 It's a shame Joe lost his girlfriend but the bigger issue is his meter. There's no excuse for Russian Dragon music. I hope Joe got a new girlfriend and a metronome, or took up guitar. It's bad when even your girlfriend thinks you're a lame drummer...really bad. Tough loss Joe man. She had a sense of humor too. 

 Good luck Joe. There's plenty of fish in the sea, and lots of good metronome apps available. And a 1...and a 2...

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